tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43221720511109114622024-02-06T21:46:31.222-08:00I Have No EndingsJanet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.comBlogger1170125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-69628962999854975172017-02-01T00:00:00.000-08:002017-02-01T00:00:07.217-08:00Hello this is Marty,Janet's husband. I am publishing this in a tribute to my wife Janet who passed away one year ago today, 2.1.2016. In the last twelve months I have thought of her so much and those thoughts were of so many happy times spanning 50 years ago since we met Valentine's Day 1966. I have been keeping busy during the day but nights are lonely without her. My strength comes from those many memories.<br />
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Click the link below ;<br />
<a href="https://youtu.be/7kEVIIAqtKY">In Memory of Janet</a><br />
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Thanks to all of our friends who gave so much support during her illness.<br />
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Love you all,<br />
MartyJanet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-19596673502278625252016-02-02T21:08:00.001-08:002016-02-02T21:08:52.993-08:00No Endings But a New AdventureHi this is Marty and I am writing Janet's final blog. Janet passed peacefully into the afterlife to meet her God Monday at 10 am. She is now proudly sitting by His side. She has so many friends to see there too: Gary, Joe, Greg, Anna, Ryan, Coz, and many more. Knowing her she will organize a reunion for everyone. And you can bet it will involve Southern cooking with a California flair. <br />
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We are planning a memorial for Saturday, February 13, 2 pm at The First Christian Church, 3039 Willow Pass Road, Concord, CA 94519. Memorials will be accepted to the church and please designate it for the Capital Improvement Project. Online giving can also be used by selecting: <br />
<a href="http://www.concordfcc.net/wideningourwelcome">www.concordfcc.net/wideningourwelcome</a> <br />
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We will also have a memorial reception in Louisville at her brother's home 1349 So Fourth St, Louisville, KY 40208. It will be Sunday, May 8, 2016, 2 pm - 5 pm.<br />
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Thank you for following her blog. She was so intent to share her experiences with everyone. She loved your comments and prayers.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-69282333737580479772016-01-31T18:02:00.000-08:002016-01-31T18:02:56.706-08:00So Much for Same Oh - NOTWell so much for it all being the same. Maybe I need to change my blog title to I am beginning to see endings. I have become extremely weak and cannot stand without Marty helping me. In fact that's been a problem too. As he was helping me from bed to chair last weekend I got noodle legs and started falling. Marty could not hold me up so we both went to the floor. I landed on my knee and ankle and twisted them both. I have been in much pain with that this week. It has been more and more difficult to move. Plus my torso has been aching terribly. Mr. Morphine has been my savior as I have had more and more to alleviate the pain. I get nauseous smelling food too. My nausea medications help a little but I am not eating much at all. Fast forward to Wednesday and Marty decides that the bed will become my permanent home. Even going to the bathroom is an effort. I am declining fast. Marty notified all of our friends and family that my days were numbered. The hospice nurse came over last night and put a catheter in. That has relived some of the pain in my back and abdomen. When we notified family, my niece Lisa Kay Nichols wrote one of the most beautiful blog posts about our life together. For the rest of you here is a link to her blog: <a href="http://normalnichols.blogspot.com/2016/01/this-blogs-for-you.html">http://normalnichols.blogspot.com/2016/01/this-blogs-for-you.html</a> Lisa I love you so much and appreciate you sharing. My brother and his wife, Henry and Ann, came to see me Friday. Nurse Ann has taken over duties helping me. Marty is so pleased to have the help from both of them. They will be here a week. I also appreciate my friends coming to sit with me again giving Marty some free time. Again thanks for all of the well wishes, prayers, texts and calls. Love all of you.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-33898196119486717442016-01-23T15:10:00.000-08:002016-01-23T15:10:40.843-08:00Everything is Same Oh Same OhEveryday we do pretty much the same thing. Mornings is bathroom run, vitals recorded, meds taken and then breakfast. Most things for breakfast taste good. I usually have Honey Nut Cheerios but a couple of times a week Marty fixes eggs and bacon with toast. <br />
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Then its back to the recliner to either rest or take a nap if I have had a bad night. When I wake up its bathroom run and lunch. Boost Plus is my usual lunch. Then a little idiot TV and then dinner time. I am still a little nauseous at times and take a back-up nausea medication for that.<br />
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Marty and I are addicted to Jeopardy so that is our entertainment through dinner. I am still a very picky eater but I am trying to eat. Marty still keeps trying to find the magic recipe but it seems like each day my tastes change. Then during clean up time we watch Wheel of Fortune. Then its back to the recliner. I have my meds again and vitals check about 9. Then its bed-time about 11:30. Sleep has changed in the last week. I was not sleeping well because all of the bloating around the ribs causes pain at night. To help this they put me back on small doses of Morphine. That seems to work because I am sleeping during the night now. <br />
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So you see unless I have visitors, every day is about the same as the next day. Overall the nurse says I am doing really well. So I am still hanging in there. We really appreciate the cards, Facebook, out of state phone calls, Skype, texts and email from everyone. Thanks again for your prayers too. Strength comes from all of you. Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-21087729906418895372016-01-13T20:10:00.000-08:002016-01-13T20:10:29.701-08:00Color Me YellowAs far as my health I am hanging in there with same o same o. I have been told that I look like I got caught in a cheap spray tanning booth. I am leaning to a shade of orange. This is just a malfunction of the liver. <br />
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On a happy note I have peach fuzz hair, eyebrows and eye lashes. WOW does that means that I do not have the terminator look anymore. May be able to get a haircut soon. :-). <br />
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As far as food I am still pretty picky but pasta dishes seem to be more appealing than others. <br />
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Nothing big and exciting We have had visitors and we are running on the same schedule everyday. Hospice continues to take good care of me and Marty. Please continue with your wonderful prayers. I enjoy the cards and phone calls that I get. Makes my spirits lift me up. <br />
Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-17178941725373580912016-01-01T16:30:00.001-08:002016-01-01T16:30:30.207-08:00Happy New Year 2016It was brought to our attention through a phone call and Facebook that we have been slow in posting. It seems time has passed so fast. We had a quiet Christmas and Skyped friends and family from California to Germany. We had phone calls from Florida, Texas and Kentucky. It was great to talk to everyone. <br />
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New Year's Eve was exciting. Our friend Mark brought Chinese dinner for us. I took a nap and Marty woke me as they were dropping the ball in Time's Square. <br />
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As far how I am feeling, There is no pain except for old lady aching joints. There is always a slight feeling of nausea that we have been able to control. There were a couple of days that I had to have some Mr. Morphine but that has gone away for a while. The neuropathy is continuing to be an issue. I cannot pull off the cap from the hypodermic syringe to give me my daily shots. I have an overall feeling of helplessness. If I am just in the recliner I feel like I could get up and do most anything. But, when it comes to getting out of the recliner it takes a major effort to stand up by myself and grab the walker. The farthest I walk is about 8 feet to my decorative potty chair that we have added to our living room décor. I have the smallest bladder in the world and I make this trip often. This can only be done with help from Marty or friends who are sitting with me. You cannot pull up a gown, lower your underpants and hold onto a walker at the same time. And then I make the long trek back to the recliner. <br />
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I haven't used oxygen much but sometimes I have some shortness of breath and this relieves that. I am stronger in that I can get out of the recliner by myself, when I walk I am much steadier and Marty does not have to walk behind me to keep me steady. At night I can sorta rearrange myself in the bed without help. <br />
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They do not want me to walk much because of the blood clot even though it has been greatly reduced. To get to the kitchen for meals I ride in my fancy red and black wheelchair. Speaking of meals, taste buds are still fickle and I am not thrilled at eating anything. I make myself eat.<br />
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Happy New Year to everyone. Thank you for all of your support and prayers. May 2016 be a good year. Love to everyone.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-70463455828372926762015-12-23T13:10:00.003-08:002015-12-23T13:10:26.950-08:00Visions of SugarplumsChristmas is in two days and we are trying to be festive in spite of living with Hospice. The tree is decorated and we have a few things out and the stockings are hung over the fireplace. Our friends still spend time with me while Marty runs errands. In spite of their busy holiday schedules they still come by to help. There is even a prediction we will have some snow around us on Christmas Day. Its great to see the rain and snow in the mountains. Very festive. <br />
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The clot in my leg seems to have improved and is smaller and no longer painful. No morphine for four days. I feel stronger today and able to turn myself in bed with no help. I have a wonderful personal health aide who comes twice a week to bathe me and change my bed. She is so caring and gentle. She came today and that makes me feel so good after she is finished. With the help of our son Erik, he brightens my day and has made some of our work easier.<br />
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With my fickle taste buds and the light nausea I am hoping to be able to eat the seafood dinner Marty is preparing for Christmas Day. He is planning our traditional shrimp cocktail salad (Mother's recipe) and sautéed scallops. Sounds yummy. <br />
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This is not the Christmas either of us would have wished for but with the love of friends, family and even strangers, it will be Merry Christmas. I wish for all of you the best for you and your family.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-81411886434283087532015-12-15T17:38:00.002-08:002015-12-15T17:38:28.881-08:00Its Beginning to Look a Lot Like??Well its been about 10 days since my last blog and much has happened. Marty has been decorating for Christmas and preparing for the season. It's not easy decorating around all of the equipment needed for me. We've cut back on how we usually decorate. Most of the stuff is still in boxes. Christmas is a season of giving and our friends certainly have. Chef Ben came over last Friday and prepared many meals for us to last a week or so. He spent about 4 hours here cooking and putting the great food in serving containers so all Marty has to do is microwave it and serve it. Hank and Thom brought a wonderful raspberry torte. Mark brought us a Christmas tree and Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Nancy and Lew brought us soups and lasagna. Janet R sent candy canes and chocolate. We are set for a few days. Faithful Kirstin and Pat sat with me while Marty ran some errands. We have received phone calls from friends across the country which filled our hearts with warmth and love. Our church friends have been in high gear supporting us with communion and visits. We are in a pretty set routine with hospice and take care of Janet. <br />
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Mr. Morphine has come out of the cabinet. I have a blood clot in my leg that is extremely painful. Walking is almost impossible. I have done a fair share of crying and moaning. Poor Marty is the one who has to listen to the bitching and moaning. I know I need to move as much as possible to keep my muscles working. <br />
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There is some humor in our life. When Kirsten was sitting she drew bathroom duty. As she was helping me get my underwear up it was not going well and she said "you've got your knickers in a twist". Neither of us had used that word in a long time and we laughed and laughed. Laughter is good. <br />
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Today's post may sound down and whiny, but I am not that way very often. Continued thanks and hugs to my prayer warriors. We have been in this a long time. Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-53952628708269342902015-12-07T14:34:00.000-08:002015-12-07T14:34:06.966-08:00Settling Into a RoutineAfter a little more than a week since I came home with Hospice, we have settled into a routine. We have four days that Hospice comes in to help and the other days its Erik and Marty help. You would not believe the equipment that we have set up in our living room, Hospital bed, walker, compressed oxygen machine, tray table, etc. <br />
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So how am I doing? My torso is so swollen that if you stuck a pin in it I would fly around the room like a deflating balloon. I am able to stand with a walker steadier than last week. The further I get from chemo the more I can eat. I am getting some of my appetite back. My voice is still a little raspy but is a little better. When I sit in a chair I feel pretty good but when I get on the walker I feel so tired. I have no pain just this bloated discomfort. If I have pain, Mr. Morphine is in the cabinet. <br />
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Healthy visitors are welcome for brief visits. I enjoy them so much but talking wears me out. I am rarely posting on Facebook or email. Marty reads me the comments that I get. So prayer warriors continue praying for Marty and me through this tough time. GO WARRIORS!!!Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-73951238076420317682015-11-29T11:50:00.001-08:002015-11-29T11:50:12.952-08:00Home AgainMy last post had me in the hospital with the beautiful caring people at Kaiser's San Leandro hospital. On Wednesday before Thanksgiving we decided coming home would be best for me. No further chemo would help me and my oncologist Dr. Kuan told us home would be best. We talked to Patti the social worker and she told us about the care we could get from Hospice. <br />
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Our next thought was how we could maneuver the 26 steps into our apartment. Gurneys would be too big and bulky to work. I figured I would have two studly good looking men carry me up. No, in fact two beautiful petite young women showed up. They were strong as an ox. We arrived at home and we waited for a handsome man to bring a special gurney chair. They carried me upstairs backwards. It was a wild ride.<br />
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After settling in I was transferred from Kaiser to Hospice. Hospice came later in the day to make an assessment and go over procedures they would use. 4 days a week someone from Hospice will be here for about an hour to go over what has transpired from their last visit, bathe me and help with light housework. The next two days we spent rearranging the apartment to accommodate a bed for me and other equipment. Our son Erik helped with moving things around too. On Saturday they delivered my bed. The bed is electric and my brother and Marty bought rich red sheets to cheer me up. Red matched other furnishings in the room that are red.<br />
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Every day my legs are stronger but I am still very weak. I'm trying not to be cranky but seems like everything upsets me. Then I am mean and feel like a bitch. I am eating more day by day as I get further away from my last chemo treatment. Little brother Hank and his wonderful wife nurse Ann have been a godsend to us. They have taken care of me and helped us cook, wash dishes and clean the apartment. When they leave it is going to really get hard.<br />
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Posts will be more irregular because we are overwhelmed with this change in our lives. We want you to be informed about my condition but just check Facebook and my blog because it is difficult to keep up with all of the phone calls and texts. If you are healthy and will wear a mask you are welcome to visit for a very very short period because my energy level will not let me be sociable for very long. My voice is also very weak.<br />
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To all of the prayer warriors to pray for calmness bravery and acceptance. Pray for Marty as my caregiver He has also been writing this as I tell him what to say. God bless each and every one of you with much love.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-5671206519983010892015-11-24T17:22:00.000-08:002015-11-24T17:22:04.663-08:00Things Just Got REAL!!!<div class="MsoNormal">
This is Marty and I am taking orders as usual. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> Taking dictation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Since I came <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null">home</a><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></span>
from the hospital a week ago I just got weaker and weaker. Noodle legs kept me from walking and my
recliner became my best friend. It’s a good
thing it is electric so I could get in and out of it. Marty had fun giving me a ride to each room
of our apartment in the wheelchair.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thanks to my friends Janet, Kirsten, Lourdes, Sue and Vallery
for coming to sit with me while Marty could do some of his work. I also had our Elders from church, Lonnie and Roy bring communion and a visit from my minister Russ.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This past Saturday my blood pressure was 70 over 60 and I
was too light headed to do anything so it was back to the ER in the early
afternoon. They started hydrating me and
giving me antibiotics. Got moved to my
new suite at the hospital later in the day.
From the CT scan the week before my Oncologist confirmed this damn
cancer had spread to my liver. It’s been
a week of crying, bitching and trying to be brave. It’s easier to be positive because I am using
less energy. </div>
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Even though I am weak I am
stronger than when I came in and can walk short distances. I am getting better each day and hoping to go
home soon. Every day they come up with a
new test that I have never heard of. I
am getting tired of being probed, prodded, poked, stuck and bled. I know all of this helps in my treatment but
it can be annoying.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My brother Henry and his wife Ann flew here from Kentucky Monday to be with us for Thanksgiving. We may have turkey day in the hospital. They have been great support to both of us.</div>
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Marty and I have to make a lot of major decisions in the
time I have left and I am asking my prayer warriors to continue praying that Marty
and I can get through this new time in our life together.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-32650707029840243962015-11-20T15:27:00.000-08:002015-11-20T15:28:21.969-08:00Another Midnight Run - The Drama ContinuesThis week has been another week to try to get some strength. It has also been one of more side effects of Chemo raising its ugly head. I still have extreme weakness and dehydration. I had blood work on Monday and then on Tuesday no Chemo but rather had hydration to give me some fluids.<br />
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The twenty six steps have been a big problem getting me in and out of the apartment. My legs are so weak it has been a major chore coming and going. I am trying to walk more and more each day to build my strength back up. Walking from the living room to the kitchen several times a day is helping. <br />
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On Thursday we had something else to deal with. I was having shortness of breath late in the day and by 10:00 it was so bad we called the advice nurse. Must have been a busy day for them because after 30 minutes on the phone, she and the doctor agreed that we should go to ER to be evaluated. Once again the Kaiser team went to work on me. They immediately put me on oxygen and did a chest x-ray and an EKG. IV with fluids to hydrate me and drained me of blood to start the detective work. Also I did a 15 minute treatment of deep breathing with an albuterol brohodilator to relax my muscles in the airways and increase airflow to the lungs. More than what you wanted to know right??<br />
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After that the doctor came in and said the words that I hate, CT Scan. It hasn't been but five days since I had that done but they wanted to compare the two. Since I had trouble breathing they wanted to check for blood clots in the lungs. Thank goodness, no clots. <br />
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All of the problems relate back to Chemo, the tiredness and the weakness. It wan about 12:30 am that all of this was completed so I had to lay and wait for the evaluation. At about 1:15 the nurse came in and asked if I was ready to go home. Surprised I said yes. All of the tests showed no issues other than what we knew so I was ok to be released. I dressed and we got home about 2 am.<br />
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Today I feel a little stronger but it is just a little. We will see what the next few days have in store as we prepare for Thanksgiving week with a visit from my brother and his wife. Pray for more strength.<br />
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<br />Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-15471507513035481852015-11-15T20:28:00.000-08:002015-11-15T20:28:09.078-08:00Kaiser to the Rescue !!!!This week has had more drama than usual. Monday the lab work (blood work) came back with lots of different issues. When they took vitals I had a low grade fever. They told me to check my temperature every hour or so, parts were out of the normal range. Tuesday instead of chemo they hydrated me and gave a mineral cocktail. They told me that if my temp got to 100.4 or more to go to the Emergency Room. The fever was staying in the normal range, but it jumped into the dangerous Will Robinson land after 9:00 pm. So off to the ER at 9:30 pm ( we had to get dressed from PJs to clothes). <br />
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They hydrated me on arrival and then took "gallons" of blood. Some of the tests would take three days because cultures had to grow. About 2 am they decided to admit me to the hospital because there were so many issues going on. I was still very very weak like last week, and maybe even worse.<br />
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From early Wednesday through late afternoon Saturday I was in the hospital. During that time I was hydrated, on antibiotics (IV) and many minerals that I was low in. They also fed me antibiotics during my stay to fight the infection. As usual, Kaiser provided fantastic care and attention to me as if I were their only patient. The blood tests came back including the cultures and all were in the good range except for one minor infection that I am treating with antibiotics for the next week and a half.<br />
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After i got home last night, I am resting more because the noise level is lower and Marty does not check my blood pressure every two hours. Also the moaning and yelling patient down the hall is not here with me. I am trying to walk more (with a walker) to regain my strength. I am forcing myself to eat more even though food tastes awful. Not because of Marty's cooking ,but because of my taste buds. <br />
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Prayer warriors, its been a tough week and I appreciate it so much. We do not expect it to get much better so I need you to kick it into overdrive, God bless each and every one of you.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-11285197437099879192015-11-08T14:02:00.000-08:002015-11-08T14:02:28.126-08:00It has been a bad weekThis week I have been weak as a kitten. We used a wheelchair to get me in and out of Kaiser. I just couldn't walk that far. Chemo went fine. And they set me up to have two units of blood on Wednesday. That was supposed to give me more energy.<br />
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I was a little nervous about the transfusion First time things always scare me. It went well and I had high hopes for a burst of energy. Didn't happen, if anything I was weaker. Blood pressure was low, I couldn't walk or stand without help. Marty was wheeling me to the kitchen, bathroom, where ever I needed to be. He had to lift me off my chair which was hard for him. I kept collapsing on him.<br />
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Then just to make thing better, I developed no warning diarrhea. Not a nice three days. Today, Sunday, I am a little stronger, I have walked down the hall several times. No wheelchair today. <br />
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This is short because it takes energy to think and write. It is nap time again.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-66897993732176128102015-10-30T18:07:00.000-07:002015-10-30T18:07:13.157-07:00This week's updateMonday I saw the oncologist. She told us the second tumor marker was lower, the bone density test was normal, and the CT scan showed no spread and the tumor was smaller. Then she told us that it is very rare for pancreatic tumors to decrease. They are happy if they can just hold them at the same size. Prayer Warriors you are doing a great job. She thinks I am anemic and suggested I have a couple of units of blood. <br />
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Tuesday I had chemo. I was nauseated before I got there. They took my blood pressure and it was 99/67, not good. That also explained being so tired. I slept the whole time of chemo, I've never done that before. The transfusion will take 5 hours, so an appointment was made for Wednesday. Later we got a call, my hemoglobin is low, but too high for a transfusion. They balance side effects I am having with possible side effects of a transfusion. So the appointment was canceled.<br />
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Wednesday was a pretty good day. I went shopping with Marty and didn't fall down in a faint. The nausea was very slight. I had hope for a good week.<br />
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Thursday, nausea and so very weak and tired. I could hardly walk down the hall. I was holding on to everything to stay upright. I slept all day long until Pat and Kirsten came by to eat supper with me. I watched them eat the lovely Greek food they had brought and ate my stand by, peanut butter. <br />
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Today I have slept nearly all day. I just can't stay awake. But around 5:00 I felt awake and a little stronger. I haven't done my regular walking in a month, only Kaiser halls and shopping on Wednesday. So today I walked for 15 minutes, again holding onto furniture and walls. I know I have to walk, but it is so hard. <br />
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I am trying to eat something even if it tastes awful. I am losing weight again and that is dangerous. Since I can't stand chocolate anymore it is hard to get extra calories. Marty treats me like a toddler and says no you can't get down until you eat X more bites. So I try to eat. <br />
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These side effects are not as awful as some I have had. But they seem to make me more cranky and bitchy. I go to bed tired and I get up tired. I dread food. But I am not in pain other than my old lady joints. I will just sleep and try to eat and maybe at some point I will pep up again.<br />
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<br />Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-63961739558216959262015-10-23T14:08:00.002-07:002015-10-23T14:08:44.764-07:00And another health updateThis week more of the same. I continued to be tired, sleepy, and nauseated. No chemo this week, so I was hoping my body would pep up. But it didn't really.<br />
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I would get up, clean up and dress and that would wear me out. But I know if I don't dress I will feel worse. But no make up, that was just too hard. To add to being in pain from my back, my bad knee decided it needed attention. Now that isn't a huge problem I just stay off it, rest it, maybe ice it, and take Tylenol which doesn't do much. That didn't work Tuesday. I had a lot of walking to do Tuesday.<br />
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Tuesday was CT Scan day. First I had to go to oncology to have my port accessed. Then I had to walk to radiology for the scan. I didn't think I would make it, the knee protested every step of the way. This added to my anxiety about the scan. A couple of weeks before I had taken the blood test, tumor marker. It was up, not much but up. Dr. Kuan said it is only a clue and it will fluctuate, don't worry. Well I did some. <br />
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All went well with the scan until I tried to get off the table. My back said I don't think so. And I started crying. The tech helped me off and I was to go to the dressing room. I asked if there any closer than the one I used, yes there were. Then she and the transport guy saw how wobbly I was and said they would let me dress in the scanning room. The men in the safe room for techs turned around and I dressed. They insisted I use a wheelchair to go back up to oncology. I accepted. He wheeled me to Oncology and I went in to have them take out the access line. I lost it again and cried all over the nurse. All this drama paid off. The tumor is smaller and there is no spread. YAY Prayer Warriors. <br />
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That afternoon friends Pat and Kirsten came to visit. They always make me feel better. We laughed, did some serious talking about our lives, and enjoyed being together.<br />
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I slept all of Wednesday and ate very little. Thursday was the first time in a long time I didn't take a nausea pill. I still didn't like eating but did, sort of. Thursday night my two wonderful crazy friends from The Marriage Factory came to visit. We laughed like fools and it felt so good. They told gossip about co workers, flying lessons, trips they have taken, and we talked about every day goings on. I was tired but felt so happy from the visit. Love you Christine and Lourdes. That would be in alphabetical order so Lourdes don't get your nose out of joint.<br />
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This morning I had a bone density test. This is to set a baseline and check a disc problem. This is a very easy test for the patient, no dyes, you don't even have to wear a hospital gown. I was in and out in less than 10 minutes. The only problem was getting there. My Kaiser doesn't do this test, certain Kaisers do certain tests and have certain departments. Anyway, we were 45 minutes away one way for a 10 minute test. It could be Monday before I get results. <br />
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I am not as whinny as some of the blogs lately. My friends and the nurses told me I don't have to be brave all the time. I am allowed to be mad, sad, and scared. Yes, I am human not always a superwoman. Some days more human than others.<br />
<br />Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-5941700932910639482015-10-19T14:19:00.000-07:002015-10-19T14:19:37.899-07:00Couldn't eat or drink, but still had a good timeThe last month has been hard: tired, nauseated, chemo taste buds gone wild. I have been a complaining mess. Saturday we had some normal. We hosted the A Team for an afternoon of wine and appetizers. For new readers click <a href="http://ihavenoendings.blogspot.com/2015/02/a-wonderful-friday-with-a-team.html" target="_blank">here </a>for info on the A team.<br />
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Friday, Marty and I made country ham puffs, a cold lemon soufflé, and lobster cup. Surprisingly I was able to cook the first two dishes almost without any help. We had champagne chilled, cute cocktail napkins and were ready to go. Now the night before Marty had said we would cancel the party if I didn't feel better. <br />
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Saturday I got up wobbly as a drunken sailor. I could only walk holding on to walls, banisters, and furniture. Not a good sign for partying. The A team arrived and started pulling out food. Oh my word, did we have food. And more champagne and wine. It looked like a party.<br />
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Some of the goodness we had to eat.</div>
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Many more dishes were brought in to eat. So many they were crowded on the table. We had cheesy olive balls, chicken satay, country ham, lobster rolls, figs wrapped in prosciutto, corn dip, tomato jam, Almond Tart, creme fraiche dip. I think that is all, sorry A Team if I forgot something. Chalk it up to chemo brain. <br />
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I am sure you are wondering how much of that I was able to eat, precious little. I tried things, but it all tasted wrong. But I got enough to have a small meal, and at least did not have to break out the peanut butter. Peanut Butter was covered in the chicken satay dish.<br />
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I pretty much sat in my recliner and let people wait on me. They brought me food and water and wine. I stuck with the water. No champagne for me, dammit. We laughed, discussed foods, my health, and the missing Texas couple. Good conversation, good times. <br />
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In the top picture you can tell Lew and Hank are holding up. I am leaning on Lew and Hank is holding onto my waist. Thank you for not letting me fall. The bottom picture Hank if still holding me up. <br />
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I love my A Team, and we can't wait until the Texas couple retires and can travel to see us. Miss you Karl and Deb.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-68173354749578295422015-10-16T11:27:00.000-07:002015-10-16T11:27:07.000-07:00Weekly or is it Weakly update?This week has not been as bad as last week. But it hasn't been a great week. If you remember I hurt my back last week, not badly but it hurts. That has been a large part of my problems this week. For the last week I have slept in the recliner because I can't get comfortable in the bed. I am not that comfortable in my chair, so broken sleep.<br />
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Monday I had lab work. Also it was the first day in over a week I didn't need nausea medicines. Nothing tasted right, but at least I didn't feel as if I was going to upchuck. Energy level was low but I wasn't exhausted. <br />
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Tuesday was chemo day. No big deal, no extra nausea. But food had become an issue. I was hungry, but the sight, smell, and taste of everything is just terrible. I could smell all my neighbors' meals simmering away. Yuck! Friends came by before going to Book Group late afternoon. They wanted to pick up supper for me as they bought theirs. I told them no thanks, I would stick with peanut butter. They had wonderful Mexican and I didn't.<br />
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Wednesday I was really tired and my back hurt. I didn't feel like doing anything, so I didn't. Erik was here and besides all he regularly does to help us, he gave me some computer help. I don't know if he realizes how important his visits are. We talk, he works, we laugh, and of course we all three are playing on our IPads and sharing silly things. That night I did not sleep well, I hurt and there was no way to get comfortable. <br />
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Thursday I was a mess. So tired and felt as if I were drugged. I slept off and on the whole day, even up until bedtime. The nausea was back and I hated the thought of any food, even my safe peanut butter. <br />
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I worried about things I need to do today, Friday. We have invited our A Team (a group of friends who cook and have fun together) for pot luck wine and appetizers on Saturday afternoon. I told Marty I didn't feel like cleaning the apartment and wasn't sure if I could make my appetizer and a surprise dish. And my protective hero says we can cancel if you don't feel well enough. Not going to do that. I want to visit with these friends and I want some normal. Marty will get stuff done even if I do have to sit in the chair all day today and tomorrow. <br />
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One awful thing this week, chocolate no longer tastes good. Before, even if I had just thrown up, chocolate would taste just fine. This week I did a study of all different types of chocolate. I tasted expensive chocolate, Milky Ways, M&M's, lots of different brands. Nearly all were icky, some so bad I spit them out. My taste buds are very sad. <br />
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The week wasn't awful, just tiring. I can do this manly because I have no choice. I will make the best of it, blog about it, and vent about everything.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-33025182627578108522015-10-11T11:10:00.000-07:002015-10-11T11:10:02.616-07:00This week has kicked my buttAs I posted in the two previous posts, lots of tests, trouble on the home front, and I did not handle things well. I really thought after crappy Wednesday, I could carry on as the brave strong woman I am. Nope, did not happen.<br />
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Tuesday as usual I had chemo. No big problems Tuesday or Wednesday. Thursday I was nauseated, but not bad enough to throw up. As my mother used to say, "I'm 5 minutes before vomiting." This week instead of diarrhea, I was constipated. So I was getting the cramping but no action. The nausea has continued up to this very minute. The pills take the edge off, but the nausea never really goes away. <br />
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I have had no energy all week. I just sit in the recliner and watch idiot daytime TV. Or I sleep. Chemo brain will not let me read much more than the comics in the paper. Add to that I have eaten very little this week. Chemo nose and taste buds have kicked into overtime. Just about everything smells awful, and I sometimes gag looking at food shows. I know, I am a mess. I'll tell you just how bad I am, my go to food <i><b>chocolate</b></i> tastes wrong. <br />
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Friday friends came to take me to lunch. I chose Chinese, for some reason that always tastes good. Well, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't right. I just picked at my lunch and brought it home to Marty for his supper. At least my friends and I had a good visit. <br />
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The Blue Angels are in town for Fleet Week. They fly over the house at least once a day (they are using Oakland Airport for home base, which is less than 10 minutes away.) Marty and I wanted to go to one of the marinas and watch the real air show. Well, I did well to dress yesterday. No sitting on the shore and watching the show. I can't go today either. <br />
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I am tired, puny, and whiney. I don't feel bad, I just don't feel good. My get up and go has got up and gone. Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-4253928725976245702015-10-08T11:27:00.002-07:002015-10-08T11:27:55.023-07:00IF IT COULD GO WRONG, IT DID!!!I am told I am a strong woman, a brave woman. I am handling my life like a trooper. Well yesterday I was reduced to a quivering mass of tears. I cried most of the morning, screamed and cursed and was ready to kill anything one or anything. No, cancer had nothing to do with any of this. Well a little, stress upsets me a little bit more now. This will be long and ugly. So bear with me.<br />
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I began the day by picking up (like an idiot) a large piece of art glass. So I messed up my back a little.<br />
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Then I did laundry. Or I tried. The second load did not spin out of the soak cycle. This is a regular problem. I had dirty wet towels. I tried to wring them out and threw them in the dryer (which I ran twice) and ended up hanging on a make shift line. I talked to the landlord and he called a repairman. I have two more loads to wash. The repairman won't be here until Monday.<br />
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I tried to give myself my Lovenox shot. The syringe wouldn't push. I pulled it out pushed and it worked. I stuck myself again, and it didn't work. I got a new syringe and this one worked. <br />
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People it is not 10:30 and all of this is making me crazy. I am upset, I hurt, and I can't fix anything. Then I made a butt call to my brother. This scared them because I never call early in the day. We nearly always talk around our supper time and just before their bedtime. Anyway, they called me and wanted to know what was wrong. Bless my heart, I told them and cried some more. They calmed me down and I moved on to my next task.<br />
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<i><b>Background:</b> And this is the short version. For 40 years I have paid for a cancer policy. Most women on my Mother's side of the family had one. It was a cheap policy and after 40 years the pay out has not kept up with inflation. But they owe and I have tried since October 2014 to make a claim. First I was told no such policy number existed, then they found me and after a couple of months they gave me my agent's name and phone number, a woman in Virginia. She was very nice, but their computer system would not let her access my records in California, which is not her territory. It took until June 18 to get someone in the Bay Area to help me. </i><br />
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<i>A lovely man came to my house, filled out all the forms, had me sign release forms for health records, copied my flash drive with all my Kaiser bills from 2014 to present. He sent that in to headquarters. He told me Kaiser sometimes is slow releasing data if the insurance company needed more info. He told me to wait a couple of months then do a status check. </i></div>
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Okay, yesterday I decided 3 1/2 months was long enough for me to have heard something. I called, they said my policy number did not exist. Finally after I explained the last year to them they found me. And then all hell broke loose. She said I had not sent in complete records. I asked why they did not contact me. Why didn't they contact Kaiser? Well they said I should have gotten a letter, but looks like it was never sent. They didn't contact Kaiser because there was no release form signed. I started yelling and being one of THOSE customers. I told her she had just read what I had sent in and she said I had signed a release form. Oh, right. They should have contacted Kaiser. </div>
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I now needed to re send everything to them. They would MAIL me forms and information on what they needed. I was reaching through the phone for her throat at this point. She wouldn't let me talk to the person who was handling the claim. I started yelling and crying. Get me your supervisor. Same crap from the supervisor. All my responsibility, even though they had lost the forms and had not contacted me or Kaiser.</div>
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I told her off, yes there was cursing and crying involved. I explained they are dealing with very sick people and they should care a little about us. The whole time she talked over me with her set spiel. I then told her I would be calling 7 on Your Side and would see them on the news. And I hung up.</div>
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I called the lovely man who had helped. I am not one of his clients, he just agreed to help when asked. He had kept all my records, and had records he had sent the information. He sent everything in again. He told me to wait until Monday to call for a status report. And if they didn't have their act together, to call the TV station.</div>
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I felt better after talking to him and thought maybe I could finish the day as planned. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and the day wasn't over yet. We were taking a friend out for a birthday dinner. I really was too tired to go. But I did.</div>
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We go to the restaurant and have octopus stirred fried and calamari deep fried. It was delicious and I had no problem eating it. I ordered a safe pasta dish not wanting to push those chemo taste buds. Well the server set my bowl down and I nearly gagged. The smell and taste was awful, to me. So no main course for me. Marty gave me some of his wonderful pork chop and always, pork tastes good to me. </div>
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And that was how I was reduced to a puddle of tears all day. Today I am calmer. </div>
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<br />Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-19356078133786400522015-10-05T17:47:00.002-07:002015-10-05T17:47:30.711-07:00Monday at Kaiser, scaryBig spoiler alert I am going to tell you all right off the bat, I am OK. You don't need to sweat bullets as my family and a couple of friends have. Now for the gory details.<br />
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Less than 2 weeks ago I found a lump in my breast, right about where I had had a lump removed two years ago. I first went into panic mode, so many women in my family have had breast cancer. And many of them died from it. I emailed my oncologist and saw her last Monday. She felt the tumor also and put in motion for me to have a mammogram and possibly an ultrasound, needle biopsy, and maybe surgery. In 6 hours I had my appointments set up and felt something was being done. I was set up for Lab work on Sunday. If my blood work wasn't in the normal range, they couldn't do a needle biopsy. We only told a small group because I had no game plan. We decided when we had a game plan, then we would ask for prayers if needed. <br />
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This afternoon I went to the Women's Center in another town from my Kaiser. They did a mammogram, yep there was a tumor. Then the ultrasound. Text book tumor. Not to worry. But glory to be, no needle biopsy. I have a Fat Necrosis that was caused by the trauma of the surgery 2 years ago. The tumor is right where my scar is. It rarely happens after surgery, but you know me, gotta keep it interesting. Since it is all my body cells, it doesn't have to be removed. It is not a foreign body as the other tumor was. <br />
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Now this is probably really over sharing. But I need to put it out there and let people know to check all parts of their body. Saturday I found a lump, yes another lump, in my, shall we say, Lady Parts. I was pissed. What is wrong with my body to be growing lumps suddenly? Isn't the one on my pancreas enough trouble? I talked to the Advice Nurse, watched for more swelling, infection, whatever. I did warm compresses and hoped for the best. No one said to check for bleeding, should have. Minor bleeding this morning, not normal. <br />
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I was given an appointment for this morning to see a gynecologist. Lovely woman, who had read my record and contacted the oncology department before checking me. The lump was a little painful, but not awful. Even though the lump was a little bigger than a nickel, it falls in the pimple category. I never had a bleeding pimple, but that is way better than what I feared. She excised it and gave me follow up instructions. She said women just develop them and it is no big deal.<br />
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Again I received quick care, and good care. All who worked on me were kind, informative, and patient with my WHY questions. I do love Kaiser.Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-69388950517110500312015-10-02T17:22:00.002-07:002015-10-02T17:22:56.884-07:00Once again a health updateI have some good news and some bad news. Let's do the bad first and reward ourselves with the good.<br />
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Throw back Thursday almost was throw up Thursday. Again the Thursday after chemo I was sick. Yes that awful word diarrhea entered my life starting at 4:30 in the morning and was not controlled until around 10:30. Of course there was great nausea to go with it. As I have said before, I do have a cast iron stomach and rarely throw up. Yesterday I wanted to throw up hoping to feel better. No such luck. The nausea pills sort of made me more comfortable. And I was so terribly tired. <br />
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For lunch I had maybe a quarter cup of applesauce and some water. I had nothing for supper. I slept from 11:30 until 9:15 that night. The only reason I woke up was because my alarm went off to take my meds. I stayed up a couple of hours and then went back to bed. I slept 10 more hours. <br />
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Today I feel much better and was able to eat some peanut butter and a chocolate chip cookie for lunch. For supper I am going to try grilled cheese and tomato soup, the perfect comfort food. I think this is going to be a way of life again. <br />
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Chemo side effects are accumulative and I have been doing this type since January. As yucky as yesterday and the other Thursday were, I will take this. It isn't as awful as last year at this time. We must hope it says at this level.<br />
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Now for a little good news. Last year early Fall I was told I couldn't go to church. I was too sick and too many germs to jump on me from bulletins, chairs, friends. This week(because it is now flu and cold season) I asked when to stop going to church and the lovely Dr. Kuan said keep going as I feel able. Just no hugging or kisses. So FCC friends, I will be there hit and miss and we can elbow bump or wave to each other. <br />
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Overall doing well. Not thrilled with Thursdays now, but I've been through much much worse. I can do this as long as all my friends, family continue their prayers. YAY Prayer Warriors!!!Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-38033983376598456412015-09-27T18:17:00.000-07:002015-09-27T18:17:50.233-07:00Chemo nose and chemo taste buds strike hardLast night we prepped a wonderful dish, mussels and clams in broth. (the mussels and clams weren't cooked until today). Friends were joining us for lunch Sunday. Well, Marty prepared the broth and I washed a gazillion bowls, utensils, pots and pans. He does love to drive me crazy dirtying every dish in the house. While he worked on the broth I sat in the living room, the smell, aroma to him, was ticking off chemo nose. I would go to the kitchen every 20 minutes or so to wash more dishes, then rush back to the living room. Marty also made an Angel Food cake which he iced this morning. <br />
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Our friends brought a wonderful salad for us. It even smelled good, and was beautiful. Marty said it was really good. I wouldn't know, I forgot to tell them I can't eat raw veggies. <br />
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This was a mussels meal I had asked Marty to make for our friends. It is a recipe Marty developed. The broth is so rich with all the veggies cooked in it. I love this meal. So the meal began with me watching all eating the salad. I could smell the broth and mussels cooking and knew this was not going to end well. <br />
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Marty filled the bowls with the dish and then put one in front of me. I almost screamed, no take it away, I can't eat this. I was gagging, but I didn't throw up. The smell was just awful to the chemo nose. I watched them eating one of my favorite meals and having to smell it. I ate peanut butter on Zesta crackers with applesauce. Not great, but doesn't gag me.<br />
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Then he cut the Angel Food cake and served us nice big slices. Chemo nose said more, more. Chemo taste buds says this is good stuff. It tasted normal, which would be wonderful. So many things if they don't gag just taste wrong. Love the cake and will have some for supper too.<br />
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I had planned to take pictures of food and chemo brain forgot. Trust me, this chemo stuff is disruptive to my life. But it also is giving me life. Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-63507708362522260122015-09-26T11:04:00.000-07:002015-09-26T11:04:01.241-07:00No Chemo WeekA week ago as I blogged I was one sick chicken. Things improved, but for an off week, not much. I still have light nausea, very tired, no energy to do anything. I take the nausea pill and it helps. But food has not interested me this week.<br />
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Chemo nose and taste buds are back with a vengeance. Some foods smell so awful I think I will throw up. And then I taste something and it is just wrong. Sometimes it tastes really bad, and sometimes it is just is a little off. Marty keeps cooking stuff to tempt me. I have even cooked. Didn't even really like what I cooked. The really sad part, sometimes this is food I have raved about in the last couple of weeks. Some days no problem, some days trouble. Peanut butter and Honey Nut Cheerios still taste fine to me. Cold milk is good. Some nights a little wine, some nights I pour mine in Marty's glass. Every meal is an adventure.<br />
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What did I do this week if I am so tired? Well this was Erik's off week and I did the laundry. Not a big deal for most folks but it is for me. I dusted the apartment Friday, we have guests coming today and tomorrow. Marty is doing the floors and heavy hard stuff. After my little bit of cleaning I was done for the day. Some days just showering, dressing, and walking take all my energy and I am done before noon, in the chair resting. <br />
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Monday I see my oncologist and will have lab work. Tuesday I see my primary care doctor and then have chemo. If I feel like it my chauffer of the day Kirsten is taking me to lunch. <br />
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So in summary, I am tired, nauseated, have low energy. This is normal for my condition. I still am much healthier than I was in December. In fact to be so sick I am really doing well. I just have to accept I can't do everything I want to do. Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4322172051110911462.post-24886550782815009112015-09-19T11:39:00.000-07:002015-09-19T11:39:53.041-07:00What do I do all day?So I can't volunteer anymore and I can barely stand daytime TV. How do I keep from being bored? I play on the internet, do the social media thing, or play solitaire. Every now and then I clean. But mostly I read. Of course that depends on how chemo brain is doing. If I am not tracking well, I can't read "good" books, so I read what I call light garbage. Lately I have been able to read and keep up with the plots. I recently finished a really fun well written book by Jack Fredrickson.<br />
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<b>Disclaimer: </b>I<b></b> consider Jack a friend even though we have never met. I write him fan letters and sometimes we email back and forth. He also is a Facebook friend. When I was so very sick in the hospital, he emailed me regularly. I was too sick to type so Marty would email him back . That said, if Jack wasn't such a good author I would not be recommending his books.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Confessors-Club-Elstrom-mystery-Chicago-ebook/dp/B00XU6R3YC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1442685731&sr=1-1&keywords=jack+fredrickson" target="_blank">The Confessors' Club</a> is the latest in the Dek Elstrom series. Dek's ex father-in-law, who hates him, hires him to investigate the deaths of some powerful men. Accident, natural causes, or murder? Well it is a mystery so murder sounds right. There are lots of twists and turns. Relationships are pushed and pulled. We deal with his ex wife and his girlfriend. We have a high body count, which blood thirsty me always enjoys.<br />
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Dek lives in a multistory turret that he is trying to finish up. And what is the fun of living in a medieval looking building if you can't protect yourself and friends with a medieval process? Just one of the fun parts of the book.<br />
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We have the IRS, local police, out of town police, and the FBI involved. Dek is pulling the strings together to find who is the bad guy, or is it bad guys. One of the most tense part of the book is a search of the Confessors' Club. Will he be caught, shot, or get away with it?<br />
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A tree is a character in this book. And you will really care about the tree. This is one of Jack's cool touches, he makes you care about something in the middle of murder and mayhem. <br />
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Jack has a great way with words. He paints pictures, he keeps us tense, he makes us laugh. And it is a really good mystery. The link above is to Amazon, so read the free chapter and get hooked. Then buy the book. I do recommend you read the books in order. Dek and his friends evolve over the several books. But this book and all of his work as stand alones. If you can't buy, go to the library and have them buy the series. <br />
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I hope you will read this book. It is very good and well plotted. <br />
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<br />Janet Ahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05244319617761464786noreply@blogger.com0