Weddings

Wednesday was very slow.  Not just for me doing weddings, but slow for all of Vitals.  I also noticed driving to and from the County Building, not much traffic, not many people out.  The clerks and I discussed this and some of the customers brought it up also.  People are leery of being downtown.  They are afraid of the verdict.  Caution is winning.

Around 3:30 we did have a few couples who wanted to be married.   I had the average unthinking ones who thought they can walk in, be married, and be gone in 15 minutes.  I called the names and they said, "He has to go feed the meter.  I know for a fact they had not been in the building 15 minutes.  So I sent him off and told them to rap on the door when he was back.  When I did the wedding they were a sweet adoring couple.  Their daughter was the still camera person and the baby brother wrangler.  The bride's mother took video of them.  Very happy sweet couple.

Then I had the whole room glows with love couple.  They decided to marry, but no witness.  She went through the lobby and found a man who would witness.  We waited while he finished his business with Vitals and then did the ceremony.  This couple adored each other.  They just glowed with love.

And then we had the couple so in love they couldn't be bothered to listen to me.  Clerk R asked the groom if he understood English, since he was from Senegal.   He told the clerk he spoke 3 languages and English was no problem.  Remember the new rule.  I called their names and gathered the group.  There were maybe 25 people there for the wedding.  All talking and yelling.  And they had not stopped when they left the building.

When I tried to talk to the bride and groom, everyone gave me an answer.  I started the ceremony, no one could hear me.  So the lost her charm Janet yelled, "I am the only one allowed to talk now."  I started again, and noticed the matron of honor had vanished.  She was trying to find someone to take pictures with her camera.  Again I tried to do the ceremony.  I asked the groom if he took this woman as his wife.  No answer, I repeated, and the crowd (I can't call them guests.  They were an unruly crowd.) yelled at him to say I do.  So he did.  A little bit of fluff read and at this point I am regretting my choice of ceremony.  Why didn't I pick the really short one? 

I tell the couple we are going to be doing the vows.  I tell the groom the first phrase to repeat.  Nothing.  I repeat it.  Nothing.  He isn't even looking at me.  I am beginning to think he doesn't speak English.  The crowd is yelling at him and he looks at us blankly.  I said to him I didn't think he spoke English and I won't/can't do the ceremony if he doesn't understand me.  The crowd is now getting hostile., "Yes, he speaks English."  I told them all to be quiet, in my not very polite way.  I told him I had to determine his ability to understand English. Well, son of a gun, he did speak English.  He just wasn't listening to me.  He was talking to his bride, his best man.  He tuned me out.  As had the bride.  I finally finished the ceremony with some major editing to shorten it as I read.

I then told the couple I was going to the office next door to get their certified copy of their marriage license.  They were to join me in the office.  I looked out the door and they were headed to the elevator.  These ding bats listened to nothing.  I brought them back to the office and gave them their certified copy.  They then realized they had already lost their souvenir marriage certificate.  It wasn't in the Wedding Room.  So hopefully some one in their family had picked it up.

The Fourth of July

Every year since 2000 we have gone to a neighborhood Fourth of July party in the Oakland Hills.  Our hosts live on one of the highest points in the Hills.  They have a $1,000,000 view of all the bridges on the San Francisco Bay and of San Francisco.  They have a view of at 10 least cities that have fireworks the night of the Fourth.  The view is incredible.  But usually we have to look quickly.  This time of year we have fog, lots of fog.  We have seen fireworks maybe twice.  We might see the beginning and then the fog roars in and we see colored fog. 

Yesterday the weather forecast was warm and clear.  WRONG!  By the time we arrived, the temperature was dropping and the fog was coming in.  That is our tradition.  We don't watch the fireworks, we listen.  Below are some pictures of where we were, and the fog.

  This is the backyard of our hosts.

A bagpiper played during the party.  The house behind him is a neighbor.  It is a Mac Mansion.  We don't like it.  They took part of the view. 

Friends Lew and Nancy from the A Team.  Notice the white fluffy stuff behind them. 

You should be able to see Oakland and San Francisco.  The fog has hidden them and is advancing toward us.

Even closer.  At times the fog was against the fence.  It comes and goes.

This is looking east from the same house and about the same time.  Mt. Diablo is clear and sunny.

Sundown, the fog has covered the cities and the Hills.  We were so cold even though we were wearing parkas. We went inside to warm up.  We listened to the booms for awhile.  Then we went home.  Since we don't really expect to see fireworks we weren't disappointed.  We enjoy being with the neighbors from the old neighborhood.  That is the point of the pot luck party.

Changes update

Well, I didn't like the picture.  So I have removed it.  It was just too big.  And I can't find a way to make it smaller.  So no picture, but other changes are here for a while.

Changed it up

OK,  I have changed the look of the blog a little bit.  And I added ways to share it.  I have no idea if the sharing works, I just clicked on the option and those buttons popped up.  Anyway, if you want to share it, now it should be easier.  I have no problem with my readers' numbers growing.  So share away.  Please, share away.

I am not sure about the picture.  It is so big, but that was my only choice, I think.  We will see about that one.

There are new layouts and colors available.  I like the dramatic look of the dark dark colors, but they are really difficult to read.  And then I am back to the earlier problem that links don't show up.  So the old colors will continue.

I now am going to see if I can make commenting easier.  That one I can't find the options I want. 

Weddings, new rules. Old rule I don't like so much.

In the past when a bride or groom didn't speak English we were allowed to use someone in the wedding party to translate.  This wasn't a great plan since we had little idea of what was said to the non English speaking person.  But we watched for body language and hoped for the best.  Well as of Monday, we can only use staff who are certified translators.

This will be a problem.  We don't have translators for a lot of languages: such as Farsi, most dialects of India, French, Mongolian, some Chinese dialects, many many more.  That means fewer couples to be married at the county building.  So less income for the county.

This week I married a total of 12 couples.  Most were nice, average in love couples. There was one couple who were up to date on technology.  I have had couples have a phone on so distant family could hear the ceremony.  Monday the couple had a phone line open to his father. Also they had a laptop to use Skype for other family members.  That was pretty cool.

My last wedding Wednesday was very upsetting.  In the state of California if someone younger that 18 wants to marry, they must petition the court.  I hate this rule/law that will allow under age marriages. Clerk R brought me the license and the birth date for the bride was 1994.  The bride was born in December 1994.  Do the math, she is 16.  I went out to R and said the bride is too young to marry.  And she said, "We have court papers, it is legal."  I said, "I have to see them."  As first that ticked off R, she thought I was doubting her.  No, I had to see those papers for my heart.

Oh, did I mention the bride had a month old baby?  That means she was 15 when the groom who is 20 got her pregnant. They did not seemed thrilled to be marrying, yet her mother was happy.  They didn't hold hands or kiss after the ceremony.

After the ceremony I talked to the clerks about the wedding.  We decided he cut a deal with Mama or the court.  He would marry her if they dropped the statutory rape charges. I don't know that of course.  As it says above,  I Have No Endings.

I am feeling the hate . . .

Is it wrong to hate your neighbors?  Is it wrong to want to maybe do serious injury to their pets and children?  I may be needing an alibi and/or bail money.

I have complained before about the chickens and howling/barking dog 2 doors down.  The dog calmed down for a week or so and I had hopes they had kept him in the house or something.  Well the howling is back full time.  We are into the third day of none stop barking and howling.  The chickens are starting to not annoy me as much.

But last night, oh my word.  Across the street they had a party, a really really loud party.  Music, yelling, loud talking, people in the street.  Last night was Monday, a work day.  A day before another work day.  A night we need to sleep, as others on the street do.  Why do these people always have parties on work days? 

We got excited at 11:00 because the music stopped.  Oh the party is over.  No, either the band took a break, or they were just setting up new music to play.  Now we don't go to bed until after midnight.  But next door they have new twins and a year and a half old, plus Daddy goes to work.  Our lights are always the only ones on late at night.  So lots of people were not getting any sleep.

Just after midnight I heard car doors slam, lots of laughing, motors revving, and it became quieter, and thought it is done.  I drifted off to sleep.  Wrong, I kept waking up to noise, yelling, they were out in the street now.  And then around 3:30 I woke to what sounded like gunshots.  It wasn't, I decided they had huge firecrackers, maybe a M-80 or two.  But hey we know those are illegal.  They wouldn't do that.

I almost went stomping out to yell at them.  And then thought, senior citizen in a night shirt against who knows how many young adults who have been drinking for 7 hours.  So I chickened out.

SUCH A WINDY BLUSTERY DAY.

Sometimes I get to do weddings outside the County Building.  Yesterday I was privileged to do the wedding ceremony for a lovely couple.  The bride is the sister of a dear friend. The wedding ceremony was beside the Bay.  I mean beside the Bay.  It was a beautiful setting.  Oakland and San Francisco in the background and the water a foot back and 6 feet down off the pier.  There were a few problems: fog, really windy, rather chilly, chairs blowing over, the runner blowing.  You know the average problems of a wedding outside.  None of that mattered.

Because of the wind the sound man, Joe, decided I needed to be miked.  Otherwise all my fluffy words would blow out to sea.  That was an interesting thing to have done to me.  It was a lapel mike, the wire had to come under my top and then attach to my lapel. The wire and battery/control was to then be attached to the back of my slacks.  They were too flimsy to hold up the control.  So it was attached to my rather sturdy underwear.  Joe and I are now engaged.  Marty did help wire me. Then he took his seat.  But to turn it on, I couldn't see the buttons, so Joe played with my clothing in the back and turned it on.

Other problems with the wind, dresses.  Our Babe of Honor, did a Marilyn Monroe, only more so. She has great legs, and the moment was appreciated by many.  Others also fought to not flash the world.  It did relieve all the tension.

I am about a foot from the edge of the pier.  And there are whitecaps behind me. There were even sailboats behind me.  Notice the hair is perfect.  I had a huge amount of product in my hair.  No messy hair for me.

Look at these two pictures of Kat and Duane.  You can see signs of the wind with her dress.  But the second picture as she began her vows, the sun came out.  She was spotlighted by Mother Nature.

After dinner they cut the cakes.  One traditional and one Danish for Duane's heritage.  And then he toasted us and his lovely bride.

I have been involved in a lot of weddings not connected to my volunteering.  I have never seen such a great group of guests.  We knew no one other than the bride's sister and her husband.  People came up to us and talked to us.  Really talked to us, not  "aren't they a lovely couple".  They made sure we felt a part of the celebration.  Both sets of parents were lovely, gracious, and highly entertaining.  Aunts, cousins, whoever, they made us feel like family.  Thank you to all.

It was a joy to do this wedding. I just wish the Babe of Honor had lots more sisters for me to do their ceremonies.  There is a brother, hummm.

Joe, you are right. I attract weird weddings.

Friend and fellow Marriage Commissioner, Joe, says I am a magnet for weird couples.  He says on his day his couples are nice, sweet normal people.  (I think he gets some weird ones too, and just doesn't share with the world as I do.) 

Wednesday there were some interesting couples.  There was the most annoying couple in the world with the 4 year old from Hell.  One couple had done a cultural marriage already. She was from Afghanistan, but no accent and very American.  They laughed about all the papers the groom had to sign in a foreign language.  He thinks he agreed to pay for her with camels, chickens, and sheep. There were other weddings. And then there was The One.

The groom  was 97 years old and in a wheel chair.  He was mentally fine.  The bride was 61.  They have one witness.  We go upstairs and I do my spiel: mute cell phones, are there rings, do you have your own vows, anyone have a camera.  Then I said their names and asked, "are you ready?'  And it went downhill from there.  The bride said she didn't think she could do this.  She wasn't sure.  Give her a minute.  I asked her if she wanted to come back another day.  No, they had to do this now.  And then she shut down.  I took her by hand and went into the little lobby and sat her down. 

I asked what is the problem?  Deafening silence.  Do you care for him, yes.  Does he care for you, yes.  Are you worried about the age difference, yes.  Does he have children, yes.  Are they against this marriage, yes.  Do you care what people think, yes.  Are you living with him now, yes.  Will marriage change anything in the home, no.  Do you want to get the ceremony fee back and go home?  Long silence, no.

I told her I would get the next couple and she could take time to decide what she was going to do. Or they could go home and decide.  The license is good for 90 days.  And she said, "We have to do this now.  There is no more time."  Then she starts asking me about the process of divorce.  I told her it would take a court order, she couldn't just walk away and say she was divorced.  She was surprised lawyers might be involved.  Again she said we are out of time.  After 10 minutes she got up and said I'll do it. 

But that was only the beginning.

She talked to the groom and kept asking the witness what should she do. I told them we had to start or they had to leave and come back another day.  Finally she said for me to do the ceremony.  I began.  I was editing the ceremony.  The fluff about loving each other for life, meeting the challenges of the future etc. just didn't seem to fit the occasion.  I asked the groom if he took her as his wife.  A resounding yes.  I asked her if she took him as her husband, silence.  And more silence.  She sat in the floor, holding onto the groom's arm, and put her head between her legs.  Silence.  I talked to her, I gave her the options again, do it, stop and go home, come back tomorrow, call it all off.  Silence. After several minutes (and I am ready to kick them out of the building at this point)  she says I do.

I pick up the ceremony and get to the point I pronounce them married.  I told her this is the last legal point of the ceremony.  (I never point this out to other couples.  But I wanted this woman sure she wanted to this.) She says go get the other couple and let me think about this some more.  I was losing my Southern Charm and ready to wring her neck.  I told them, "You  either let me pronounce you married or you leave now.  The building is closed for the day, the clerks are getting ready to go home."  And then I said something I have never said to anyone before.  It just rolled out of my mouth.  " Fish or cut bait."  She agreed to be married and I pronounced them husband and wife.

Why did this have to be done then?  What was the "There is no more time" issue?  Were they rushing to beat a court order that would give his children control?  Was it a homeless issue for her?  She was dirty and smelled, he was squeaky clean.  Had the doctor given him just a few weeks to live?

As the Blog title says I Have No Endings . . .

MY FAMILY

Father's Day weekend my stepfather's family has a reunion.  People come from all over the country and any where from 40 to 70 people attend.  Rooms are booked in a hotel for Friday -Sunday.  A dinner is on Saturday night and a brunch on Sunday before they all go home.  They have a hospitality room and everyone brings snacks, soft drinks, beer, and lots of comfort food.  This has been going on since1966.  The family realized the only time they had all been together was at their father's funeral.  (There is a huge spread in ages, some left home before some were born.)  So they began the annual Reunion. 

When Marty and I went to the first reunion we weren't even engaged yet. Marty survived Papa Jack's brothers asking him when he was going to marry me and why didn't I have a ring yet. The hotel gave Marty's room away and he had to sleep with Jack, I slept with Mother.  And it gets worse.  The bathroom door had been ripped off the hinges by the previous guest.  So there are 4 of us sharing a bathroom on the honor system.   After that I knew for sure Marty was a keeper.

Each year a different family member is in charge of the reunion.  A theme is picked and the game is on.  In 40+ years there have been lots of themes.  This year it was Mardi Gras.

I have a picture of my Mother and Papa Jack and another picture of Mother's side of the family. 

Let the good times roll!  Anna and Jack Hollin.  AKA Mother and Papa Jack; Grandmother, Grandmother Red, and Papaw Jack.

This is a picture of Mother and Jack with grandchildren, great grandchildren, and my brother and his wife.
Left to right back row:  Riley, Lisa Kay, Mellisa, Kiel, A.J., Hank and Chris.  Front row left to right:  Anna, Jack, Ann holding Annabella, Hall, Alyx.  No one is standing on a chair. Lisa Kay has very tall children.  Kiel is 7 foot tall, A.J. and Mellisa are way over 6 foot tall.

FATHER'S DAY

Sunday was Father's Day.  Our son Erik took us out to lunch and spent the afternoon with us.  It was a lovely laughed filled day.  We had lunch at Fenton's an institution in Oakland.  And if you have seen UP, there is a scene with the little boy and the old man sitting on the curb in front of Fenton's.  Pixar always has Bay Area places in their films.

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Erik, the son.

Erik and Marty, the father.

Burgers, onion rings, and fries.  YUM.

.Our family took pictures and then posted them on facebook.

After all that food, I couldn't eat another bite.  Marty and Erik ordered petite hot fudge sundaes. 

  

Marty really enjoyed his sundae.

Erik posted pictures of the sundae on facebook, before attacking the sundae.

Did they like it, yes they did.

At home later, having Mimosas and ready to call my Papa Jack. 

Marty talking to Mother and Papa Jack.  Love speaker phones.

Erik talking (while posting on facebook) to Grandmother and Papaw Jack.  Yes, I talked to them too.  With the speaker phone I could talk and walk around and take pictures.

As I said, it was a lovely day.  May we have lots more days together.