Thin white dress, Speak slowly, No witness

This week there were not a lot of weddings.  But we did have variety.  

Monday’s first couple was originally from Mongolia.  They were so tickled that I could pronounce their names without help.  Practice makes perfect.  The bride had on a white lace mini dress.  The hemline was scalloped and made a V front and back.  Very pretty dress, except the lace was only lined at the bikini pants line and over part of her breasts.  A lot of bare skin hanging out.

The next couple were both dressed in white.  They had asked a woman in the lobby to be their volunteer witness.  I called their names and then asked where was their witness.  They then told me the witness had left.  SOOOOO  we had to find someone else, and no one would.  I shanghaied the Deli manager, had the license reprinted and signed again, and then we did the ceremony.   This was a couple in their late 40s.  They were very emotional and very happy.

As I was starting the next ceremony, I told the bride to scoot closer to the groom.  She did and he backed away.  Huge laugh from the family and friends.

We had a very stone faced child in one wedding. Let’s call her Jean.  She was around 4 or 5.  Jean stood next to her Mother during the ceremony, with never a smile.  After the ceremony her mother told me Jean was mad at her.  When they told Jean they were getting married today, Jean wanted to know why her mother wasn’t wearing a long white dress.  And she wanted a fancy dress to wear and be the flower girl.  Jean knew what a wedding should look like.  Can you imagine her wedding in 20 years?

Last story, I came down from a ceremony and there is a license on my desk.  It has a yellow post-it with a note written on it.  It said, “Speak slowly.  The groom has little English.”  Did you hear me screaming Wednesday afternoon?  I knew this would not go well.  I asked the clerk how little English.  She didn’t really know, the bride did the talking.  He just said getting married. 

I go to the couple and explain, I can’t marry someone who can not understand what I am saying.  I will have to question the groom, no one else can talk.  I asked why are you here?  happy.   No, why are you here today?  What do you want me to do for you?  no answer.  After repeating the question several ways he finally says getting married.  I am not convinced.  There are several little children with the couple.  I asked him whose children are these? no answer.  I said are these your children or his (pointing to a man holding one of the children)?  He said, five.  That was the deal breaker. I gave them options of how and where they could marry.  The clerk refunded the money for the ceremony and we sent them on their way. 

I sometimes think the clerks don’t want to upset couples by saying you can’t get married today.  They hope since my last time there I have learned Tongan, Mongolian, Hungarian, insert language of choice.  Or they know I will pull up all my Southern Belle charm and nicely tell the couple no.