Yes, I need to post about weddings. And so does Joe!

I am always complaining about bloggers who don't post regularly.  Today I realized that would also be me.  Sorry I fell down on the job.  I want to blame it all on Joe, our guest blogger.  I heard he had such a day last Friday and hoped he would write about it.  So far no luck on a post from him.  Not his responsibility to keep my blog going.  But I wish he would write more often for us.  Please Joe, write another post sometime soon

I have all kinds of notes on weddings so I can write a blog today, and maybe later this week get another one in. I write about confidential licenses often.  How only the couple has access to the license, and how it takes a court order for anyone else to see the license. 

I had a couple with a confidential license last week.  And they had no idea what it was.  They had just marked the box on the form and that is what they were sold.  Before I married them I gave them the pros and the cons of their license.  After I was sure they understood what it meant, then I did the ceremony.

The next couple also had a confidential license.   They totally understood what it meant, and it was what they needed.  They were a same sex couple from Texas, which is not a same sex friendly state.

And then there was the bride in the long turquoise dress and the groom in a suit.  All of the guests were dressed up. Little girls were  in frilly dresses.  It was a large group and when I asked the necessary question, is everyone here, I expected a yes.  Nope. Some of the guests had a fussy baby and decided to walk him outside.  They told the couple they would be back in 30 minutes.  Who does that do a couple?  I had to tell the couple if they wanted the others there for the ceremony, they couldn't go up to the Wedding Room.  I had other couples waiting.  They were unhappy, it was their turn.  They wanted to wait upstairs.  Sorry, but it is a Wedding Room, not a waiting room.

Did I pronounce your name right?

The scariest thing about doing weddings is pronouncing names.  We have couples from all over the world.  And if they are American their heritage gives them difficult names to pronounce.  There is always one couple I struggle with a name.  Monday, eight couples, maybe 2 names I had confidence in saying.  We had Hispanic, Portuguese, Chinese, Israelite, and Vietnamese couples.  A true United Nations of weddings.  Before I went out for the couple several of the clerks and I would decide how to pronounce the names.  Sometimes we were right, sometimes not.

My first couple had a confidential license.  The bride was mortified to be marrying in the county building.  Plus she was embarrassed by what she was wearing, just regular clothes.  She looked cute, not dressed up but cute.  Bad me thought if embarrassed why marry today, you have 90 days to find someone to marry you in a "pretty" place.  Also you knew you getting married today, why didn't you dress up?  But sweet me told her how nice she looked and it is all about the love not the outfit.

I am sure the Yemen wedding was arranged. Neither the bride nor the groom were thrilled to be there.  The fathers were doing all the talking and answering questions.  You know me, I ignored them and kept talking to the poor couple.

One groom's father was the only witness.  The groom gave him a cell phone to take pictures.  The poor man had never taken pictures before and none were in focus.  So we restaged the ceremony and I took pictures.  Yes cell phones have great cameras now, but people let the non tech person practice before the wedding.

Only one bride stands out in the fashion department.  It was a cool day for us.  The bride wore an elegant light gray coat.  There was no collar, cuffs, or buttons showing.  It was very straight and hung to just above her knees.  Her dress was really interesting  From a distance it looked as if it were threads spaced horizontally 1/2 inch apart.  That was an illusion.  There were different sizes threads in the design in varying cream shades.  The dress was lined from the bust to the knees.  Again a very elegant look.

Except for the arranged marriage there was love in the room.  Hugs, kisses, just standing and holding each other after they were pronounced married.  Lots of happiness.  May it continue. 

Confidential and Public Marriage Licenses

Wednesday I only did 2 wedding ceremonies, one public and one confidential.  Refresher course on marriage licenses: a public license needs at least one witness at the ceremony, anyone may get a copy of the license; on the other hand a confidential license doesn’t need a witness for the ceremony and unless a judge issues a court order, no one except the bride and groom may get a copy of the license.

Why get a confidential license you ask?  Some people have lived together for many many years and do not want people to know they weren’t married.  Police officers, public figures, famous people, criminals, and celebrities don’t want anyone one to know their address/the name of their spouse.    There is personal information on the license that could be dangerous for enemies, press, stalkers to have.  Finally, some people are just very private.

We are going to skip over the public wedding on Wednesday and go for the confidential wedding.  Guess who I married Wednesday afternoon.  A celebrity and his celebrity wife.  One hint, it was not Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.  Another hint, I can never tell you if you guessed right.  No hints as to whether they were actors, political figures, head of the CIA, reality stars, gunman and his moll on the run, computer nerds, sports figures, Mayor of Las Vegas, the list could go on forever of who I won’t tell you. 

But I can tell you some things that happened.  People in the lobby recognized them and asked if they were there to marry.  They said no, they were there for another reason.  Many of the clerks recognized them as did the Deputies.  Me, I had no clue until it was explained to me.  I need to keep up more. 

The couple are well over the age requirement.  They are pulling down big bucks.  They live in a really really nice area.  They are independent, they can do what ever they want.  But it was if they were 16 year olds who had eloped.  They seemed to be looking over their shoulders for someone to forbid the marriage.  Interesting feel to the room  They were very much in love, excited about the wedding, but hesitant at the same time.

After the paper work was finished, they stressed again that no one could find out.  We explained even if it were a public license no staff would tell.  All our customers have that promise of confidentiality. Now as to the people in the lobby who saw me with the license take them upstairs, who knows what stories they will tell.

Come on people, don't you own a mirror?

Most of the couples who come to the county building to be married are serious.  They realize that marriage is a big step and they are serious, excited, nervous, anxious, all of the above during the ceremony.  But some couples think the ceremony is a photo session.  Brides pose all through the ceremony, hiking up skirts, turning this way and that, pulling tops down for cleavage or sometimes until boobs pop out.  Grooms pose  making gang signs, turning toward the cameras, looking at cameras and not at the bride, they put on and take off sunglasses.  And now we have the Angelina leg pose.  Heaven help me, I am too old and this just makes me tired.

Monday the dresses were too short, too tight, and one too thin.  As Marty pulled in front of the county building we saw a couple walking in.  A tiny young woman in a really short white dress. The groom was in a black suit with a black shirt and tie.  Marty and I commented on how very short the dress was, it just covered the curve of her hips.  Front side, when she walked, lady parts might flash. This girl was a size zero, beautiful face and body.  The knit dress looked like it was sprayed painted on her. Why so tight?  Why so trashy short?  She did the Angelina leg all through the wedding, posing and not even looking at her groom.

The next couple were each 18, and seemed very immature. She wore pink tighter than paint jeans. She and many of the guests wore at least 5 inch heels.  None could walk in heels, wobbling, and clomping around like horses.  During the ceremony, both groom and bride kept posing, and then the bride's leg popped to the side and she pulled her draped top down to show cleavage!  I had trouble getting this group out of the room.  I gave the 2 minute and the 1 minute warnings.  Nothing.  I told them I was going for the next couple, they had to leave.  I went down the hall for some water and then headed to the elevator.  I could hear them still in the wedding room.  I went back in and they were still taking pictures.  Some of the women were posing under the wedding arch with our silk flower bouquet.  I used my school teaching voice and got them to leave.  As I stood there a woman walked out with OUR bouquet.  I told her she couldn't take it.  She just looked at me.  So I took it our of her hands. 

The next bride with no mirror at home wore the tightest outfit. She wore a strapless dress with a beige bra with straps. The front of the dress looked as if she had on a Wonder Woman breastplate.  The seams were straining, the zipper in danger.  The dress pulled across the hips and rode up.  And I could see pink skin and white bikini panties through the dress.  But this couple was very serious about marriage.  She was crying and he held her during their vows.  I forgave her the dress.

My last couple had a confidential license (a license that requires no witness, the license is basically sealed and no one but the couple can see it, it takes a court order for anyone else to see the license).  They had met on the Internet through a common interest in photography. One thing led to another and they were in love. They told me they had tried 4 times to marry.  Since her divorce was only 5 weeks old they had to show the final papers.  One time they forgot the papers.  Other times other paper work was wrong.  But they are now married, and were deeply moved by the ceremony.  That ended the day on a good note.

Monday Weddings

I only did weddings on Monday.  Wednesday I had a conflict.  That is the beauty of volunteering, you get to pick what you will do.  Monday was really busy before I got there.  When I walked in at 1:00, one clerk yelled, "I love you, Janet!".  Then she handed me a marriage license with a big smile.  She had done a lot of ceremonies that morning, and it wasn't her turn.  For some reason the clerk on call was not answering her phone.  That meant W had to do them.

I perforomed 3 1/2 marriage ceremonies.  Regular readers know what that means.  Someone didn't tell the clerk they needed a translator.  The clerks should figure that out.  If only one person is talking in English and translates to the other, big sign English will not work.  I hated not to do the ceremony.  The bride wore a white chiffon knee length Greek style dress.  The groom wore a black suit with a lighter black stitching on the lapels.  Their toddler son wore a long sleeve white shirt, black tie, black vest, and black slacks.   Guests were dressed up, everyone was nice.  But it wasn't mine to do, Marriage Desk Lady got to do it.

I had a Confidential Wedding to do.  (a confidential license doesn't require a witness, the record of the marriage can only be accessed by the bride and groom, anyone else wanting information about their marriage must obtain a court order which are rarely given.)  The couple was relaxed, excited about the wedding . . .  until the ceremony started.  The groom became very emotional, he barely could say I do.  And then for the vows, he lost it.  He cried, then he could not utter a word, she held him until he calmed down enough to finish the vows.  Then she cried during her vows.  I was worried I was going to cry, it was pretty emotional.  It was very touching.

The last wedding left a bad taste in my mouth.  The couple used the young man from the Deli for the witness.  I asked if they wanted him to take pictures for them.  The bride looked at me as if I were crazy, and said, "Why would we want pictures of this?  We were married yesterday. We had a huge wedding yesterday. Just get this done."  OK, bitch, heard.  I explained this is the wedding/marriage for legal purposes and she can't use yesterday's party as her marriage date.  She glared at me, crossed her arms, and looked between pissed and bored.  The entire ceremony she and the groom had their arms crossed, looked bored, and did the vows in a dead I am so over this voice.

Usually if there is no interest in the ceremony, I do the 3 legal sentences ceremony.  This chick had ticked me off.  She was rude to me and to the volunteer witness.  She felt no importance for her legal ceremony.  So I out bitched her, I am way older and have much more experience as a Southern Belle in handling rude people.

I gave her and her bored groom the longest fluffiest ceremony we have.  I also read it as slow as molasses in January.