A Mix of Weddings

I am still catching up on all the weddings for the last couple of weeks.  With all going on lately, I haven't been as faithful on the weddings.

Someone asked me the other night, do you know when a marriage isn’t going to last.  Well, not for sure, but there are red flags: the bride who asked the groom what his last name was; between them the couple has 8 divorces; the groom is only 35 years old and this is his third marriage; the 18 year olds who pose, make gang signs, and talk throughout the ceremony;  the bride who sat in the floor for 15 minutes crying and asking should I do this.  Oh, and then we have the green card weddings.  If I can tell this isn’t for real, for sure the immigration officials will recognize the scam.

The groom was 77, the bride was 44.  Sometimes that feels creepy.  Not this time.  He was a very young looking healthy man.  The bride was not healthy looking.  Her hands and feet were twisted, perhaps from arthritis.  They adored each other.  Both of them were very emotional during the vows.

The couple was young, early 20’s.  She was in jeans and a Tee shirt, he was too.  After the ceremony she started crying.  The groom thought she was upset because they weren’t having a fancy wedding.  He started promising a huge fancy deal down the road.  By the hardest, she convinced him that she wasn’t unhappy, she was just very moved by the ceremony.

As you all know I hate hate doing ceremonies for arranged weddings.  This is not PC.  My apologies to those I offend.  But when I see the Indian/Pakistani couples in the lobby not even looking at each other, I want to cry.  So I see an Indian couple and family in the lobby. The day is going to end on a bad note.  The license was on my desk.  The couple marrying is in their late 40’s.  Turns out we have a love match.  All of the young people were her children.   The couple was so solemn during the ceremony.  Finally during the paperwork they started smiling and laughing.

As you have read, all kinds of people come into the Marriage Factory.  What ever our personal feelings our job is to make this ceremony a wonderful experience for them.   I think 99% of the time we do that.

Every Bride Cried

Monday I sat for an hour and waited for someone who wanted get married. Where were the love birds?  Be careful what you wish for.  Between 2:00 and 4:25 I did 8 weddings.  Every bride was emotional and cried.

The first couple was interesting.  They were really sweet.  But they had an out of control toddler.  Screaming, running around, trying to climb the support beam, he was a perfect ad for birth control.  Mom was  extremely well endowed in the bosom department.  But she didn’t have on a bra. She did have on a draped, low cut top.  When she bent over or when the toddler grabbed the top, we had a nip slip.  Charming.  Dad was a handsome African American young man.  He smiled and I nearly died.  He had a mouth full of gold grill. 

I had one couple who had bought their license in another county.  That means if I find errors, we can’t correct them.  We also can’t record the license.  We have to mail it back to the county where it was bought.  So this license had a problem.  I did the ceremony, explained all of the above, and told the bride how to begin the process of changing her name.  She said, “I’m not changing my name.”  But she had given the original clerk her name choice.  It is on the license, I did the ceremony, her name is changed. 

She was upset, “they told me to put it down and I could decide later.”  I told her that now it would take a court order to go back to her original name.  I am sure the clerk in the other county did not tell her she could decide later.  This law has been in effect for a couple of years.  People do not listen, and do not read the license when asked to.

Another license had an error.  Bad me, I did not find it until the only witness signed.  I looked below her name at the place for a second witness (not required but couples are allowed two) no name but an address.  The witness was a volunteer from the lobby and really needed to leave.  If we had to reprint to remove the address, she would be held up and be late for an appointment.  I raced to the Marriage Desk Clerk, and explained all.  She said the magic words, “ I can fix it, no need to reprint.”

As I said, all the brides cried.  Mostly from nerves, excitement, and emotion.  But one bride did not want to be there. I am sure it was an arranged marriage, they were both Pakistani.  He was from California, she was from England.  She stood with her arms wrapped around herself with the saddest expression on her face.  He answered the questions, even when I tried to talk to her.  They walked up to stand under the arch.  One of the guests called to the groom for help with a camera. 

He walked away and I asked her if she really wanted to marry.  She shrugged her shoulders and just stood there.  During the ceremony she stood away from him and wouldn’t touch him.  After the ceremony everyone, except the bride, was celebrating.

This was my last wedding of the day.  I left them with the Marriage Desk Clerk and went downstairs.  Marty was waiting out front so I gathered my stuff and left.  The groom and all the guests were in the lobby laughing and talking.  The bride was outside, alone, sitting on the planter wall.  I nearly cried when I saw her.

After Valentine's Day a few weddings

I did not expect many weddings on Wednesday and I was right.  There were only four couples to marry. Two weddings really stand out, and two don't.

Couple one, no memory of at all.  By the time I came down stairs, I couldn't remember anything about them.  Another couple I remember because they were so young, only 20.  And they were a very young 20.  They had family there to witness the ceremony. I rode down in the elevator with one of the mothers.  She looked at me and said, "I hope this works.  They're too young to marry."

I called the next couple, who were from India (maybe an important point). I asked if everyone was there, yes. The bride then said, "We need more time." Then they walked away. WTH???  They were all there, what is going on?  They finally said they were ready and we went upstairs.  The whole time the groom is texting and standing as far from the bride as he can.  I found out later from the clerk he was texting while they were buying the license.  I had to tell him to turn off his phone so we could do the ceremony.  During the ceremony they didn't look at each other, they stood a foot apart, no one was happy to be there.  No kisses, no hugs, not even hand holding.  This looked like an arranged marriage neither wanted.  I was told later they had a huge fight before we went upstairs. Enough of an argument that all in the lobby knew about it. The bride was shaking her finger in his face and he would say something and then keep texting.  We decided he was texting his girlfriend.

The next wedding began so very well.  Beautiful bride in a long white satin sheath with a chiffon sash and wonderful wonderful gold heels.  "Is everyone here," I asked.  "YES"  And upstairs we went.   As I was getting information (I had already asked them to mute their phones) the bride's phone rings.  She answered it and I asked her to hang up.  She did.  Lovely ceremony, lots of happy guests taking pictures.  I called for the witnesses to sign.  The first one signs, I asked where is D?  Oh he left before we came upstairs.  "He called me but you wouldn't let me talk to him."  What part of is everyone here do they not understand?

The names of the witnesses were printed on the license.  Now we can't use the license.  We had to reprint, and have everyone sign again.  I guess from now on I will have to call the names of the bride and groom, and call the names of the witnesses.

WARNING, THIN WHITE WEDDING DRESSES

Monday and Wednesday were not real busy. I did 4 or 5 each day. There were some really sweet couples. Also there were some that were difficult to do, and there were the thin white dresses.

Difficult to do for a couple of reasons.

The crying baby wedding. For nearly an half an hour we could hear a baby screaming in the lobby. This was constant screaming, I don't know how the child could breathe at the same time. Lucky me they were there to get married. As the paper work was being done the mother whipped out a boob and tried to feed the baby. The clerk was offended. She is a mother and all for breast feeding, but we all agreed a blanket over the shoulder would be more appropriate. The baby screamed through the ceremony. No one seemed to do anything. No bouncing the baby, no burping her, no walking with her. They then went downstairs and sat about 20 minutes with the child still screaming.

The underage groom: If the bride or groom is younger than 18, a judge must give permission for the marriage. The groom was 10 months short of 18, the bride was 22. They had the court order allowing him to marry. She was in a beautiful traditional sari, he had on baggy pants and a backwards baseball cap. Traditional California boy. Can you say arranged marriage?

The first white dress was stunning. It was a long tulle sheath, seed pearl spaghetti straps, with a handkerchief hem. There were several beautiful lace pieces scattered on it. There was an under skirt to the knees, which was too sheer not to have a slip under it. This lovely vision of a woman had on a white thong.

Second white dress: This was a huge wedding group. Everyone was dressed up. We had a bouquet, boutonnieres, we had corsages. The groom had on a white suit with pale blue trim ( to match the bride's fingernails). We had a best man and a maid of honor. As Daddy walked the bride in, the crowd hummed the wedding march. They were a happy excited group. And the bride? Short gathered dress of chiffon, spaghetti straps, white underskirt, white thong.

Now for the rant. Do these people not have mirrors? Is this a new look that I am too old to appreciate? The clerks are much younger than I am, and the thongs offend them. Buy a slip, I am sure Macy's still sells them.