More thoughts from the pool, and one big silent scream

Last week I sent Richard, Marty, and Luis an email that contained info from a site I read.  A man had found a scorpion in his pool.  Hours later he fished it out and the scorpion was still alive and stung him.   Richard came in from the pool yesterday and asked me something about whether I was clairvoyant.  He had found a scorpion in the pool, fished it out, and squashed it with a brick.

Today I checked the pool over before getting in,  NO, NO, NO, SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE, IT IS!  CRAP!!!!!!!!! this was all running in my head.  No one was home, no point in carrying on out loud.  I have a scorpion to kill that is four feet deep.  I got the pool net, scooped up the scorpion, put the net down next to a brick, grabbed the brick, and pounded the scorpion. 

I then got in the pool and did my exercises.  Richard is spraying the perimeter of the pool this afternoon. 

After being on major alert as I walked, I calmed down and had some thoughts.

Most importantly, I don't see me getting into the pool at night ever again without the pool lights on.

They have never had a scorpion issue, why now?

Marty is in the Bay Area on business  Why can't I sleep when Marty is gone?  He has traveled since the first week we were married.  45 years later, still restless without him beside me.

Why does one part of the hair on your head grow faster than the rest on your head?  Sides and top look great, the back is long and flat.  I have a week to go before the next trim.

 I mostly thought about a recent blog by our son, Erik.  The story took place before cell phones.  It reminded me of the time of no cell phones or GPS.  Marty and I were going to Sacramento from the Bay Area.  We had to drive both cars up. He had people in his car and I had my sister in my car.  We are going to follow Marty. 

I knew how to get to Sacramento, but not which exit for Old Sacramento.  Marty said follow me, you will take the first exit into Sacramento.  And he was gone.  Never saw him again on the way up.  I am in a panic.  No map, no idea, where to go. 

I took the first exit that said Sacramento.  Wrong, I ended up on a dead end road on the river's levee.  I am screaming, cursing, and scared.  Maryann is not in much better shape.  Her agoraphobic little sister is in full melt down.

No way to contact the soon to be killed husband.  No idea where we are.  We back track, and get back on I 80 and after several tries find Old Sacramento.  Everyone is standing on a corner, ticked off because they had to wait for us.  No one could understand why we were upset.  A cell phone and a GPS would have made that trip much easier. 

The sad part of this tale, that is not the only time he said follow me and disappeared.  I need to think about that.

Weddings, yes

It is June and the weddings are picking up.  The staff was thrilled when I arrived.  They had been really busy all morning.  I was geared up to perform lots of weddings.  But there was no action for about an hour and then we were slammed. Lots of people buying licenses and many to be married today. I did 5 weddings in an hour and a half.  And then nothing after that.

I had the Indian weddings with the incredible sari and jewelery.  The very Berkeley wedding;  bride in an outfit from the 50's including a cocktail hat.  The groom was in a black suit and wore a fedora.  One bride was in a pretty chiffon white dress and the groom wore a white suit, the coat hit down nearly to his knees. Very hip looking. These are lovely but then we had the very young in age and maturity level couple.

The couple was young, 19 and 20.  She had blue braces and was chewing bubble gun.  She wore a printed full skirted mini dress.  Cute.  He was in a white track suit and chewing bubble gum.(I made them spit out the gum)  Lots of family and several generations.  I asked if they had rings to exchange.  He reached into his pocket and said, " We bought new cell phones."

What more can I say?

Past Weddings

I am trying out the heading without all caps. ( Yes, Sue, this is all about you.  I never noticed I used caps until your blog.)  I don't think I like no caps.  It just doesn't look like an important title.  And goodness knows if I write it, it is important.  You all let me know, all caps or not.  I reserve the right for the final say.

I only did 2 weddings this week.  Monday I woke up with a case of the icks and didn't go in.  Wednesday was really slow.  And I can't even remember anything about the two weddings I performed other than one bride wore a yellow organdy dress that needed ironing.  So I am going to go back to my pre blog  time and share how I wound up marrying couples in Alameda County, CA and a couple of weddings.

I am a Volunteer Deputy Marriage Commissioner. Don’t you just love a good long job title? If they can’t pay me, at least they let me sound important. Three and a half years ago I read an article in the newspaper about Alameda County’s marriage desk. I read about the clerks marrying couples, how many ceremonies a day they did, and how the clerks were pulled from their basic job to perform wedding ceremonies. The point of the article was to get a volunteer staff to take over the weddings. I read this several times and then called for an appointment. I did the orientation, was sworn in, then had on the job training. I could hardly believe the state was going to let me marry couples.

The county building is in downtown Oakland, California across the Bay from San Francisco. The Bay Area is a very diverse area. People from all over the United States and the World live here. And they want to get married. We have Chinese, Mongolian, Vietnamese, Indian, Japanese, Scots, and Brits. There are people from Fiji, Tonga, Sweden, France, Ghana, Pakistan, Israel, South Africa, and any other country you can think of. Now the only reason I bring up the countries is because the couples' names are so difficult to pronounce. I  have trouble with every day American names. Remember I grew up in the mountains of Kentucky and we don't talk like the people in CA. I have a college degree, but names are my kryptonite.

Now to the weddings: The clerk brings me the completed license, I check everything on it, and do the bookkeeping paperwork. Then I go into the lobby and call out the names on the license, hoping I have not butchered the names too much. Think about names: Andrea could be Ahn-dray-uh or An-dree-ah. Or there was once AND-REE-A. Then we have Diem pronounced Dean. Fuapou which is Foe (rhymes with no) pow (rhymes with cow). I have sticky notes to write the names phonetically so during the ceremony I will say their names right. We go upstairs to the wedding room, I perform the wedding, the license is recorded and the couple goes on their way. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Sometimes things go strange.

 I picked up a couple and we went up to the wedding room. I found out if they had rings to exchange. Did they have their own vows? Is anyone going to stand with them? And then I began the ceremony. I had forgotten one little piece of business. I didn’t say please turn off your cell phones. As I was asking “Do you take this woman…” the Groom’s cell phone rang. And he answered it! I had to tell him to hang up. I thought the Bride was going to walk out.

Cell phones are more addictive than crack. Even when I ask people to put them on mute, they don’t. They keep talking and talking. Guests have talked all through the wedding like nothing was going on. I had a witness (witnesses must be in the room by law) walk out of the room to talk on his phone. I stopped the wedding and had to go find him.

I married one couple who were in their thirties. As I gave them the certified copy of the marriage license I explained some things they needed to do. She needed to contact Social Security and DMV to do a name change and the bride says to the groom, “What is your last name?”  Did they just meet on the street corner? Was it instant lust?

I told you, I have no endings. Only beginnings.