Why can't my brain remember?

Chemo brain is real.  I can't remember squat. Sticky notes are my best friend. Words come out of my mouth that just don't make sense.  Or I can't pronounce words correctly.  I can't track more than one thing at a time and reflexes are slow, thus no driving.  But all of the above is not the worse problem.  My hair is the problem.

Well my lack of hair.  I used to have such good hair.  It was curly, thick, and silver.  I never was grey, hell no, Divas do not go grey.  We have silver hair, thank you very much.

 

 

When I got up in the morning, I fluffed my hair. When I washed my hair I only had to fluff it.  No need to dry it.  It was curly, a good cut, and easy.  The wind blew, no problem, run my fingers through my hair and all was well.

As you all know, I now don't have a hair on my body.  Well maybe 4 where I should have eyebrows.  I haven't had head hair for months.  My brain can not remember that.  When I take off my hat I reach up to fluff  my hair.  Marty finds that hysterical.  Every morning as I get up I reach to fluff out my flat hair.  In the shower I reach for the shampoo.  Why o why can't my brain remember, NO hair?

Adapting to hair loss

Adapting, that seems to be most of what I do now.  I adapted to being diabetic, to A-Fib, to giving myself shots twice a day, chemo brain.  I have learned to pace myself and not over do.  I have adapted to a whole new body (that one is kind of nice, 100 pounds down and wearing cuter clothes.) One biggie to adapt to, no driving.  Chemo brain and drugs that make me dizzy, not good to be behind the wheel.  I have even adapted to asking friends for help.  So you can see, I can adapt to new things.  But this hair loss. . .

I now have to use sun screen all over my head.  My head gets cold. Makeup is required on my head. Then we have the problem of hats.  I always thought I had a huge head, hats always were tight, would not go on sometimes.  It was a problem.  Well guess what, I don't have a big head, I had lots and lots of thick hair.  All that hair was causing the hat problem. 

When I walk outside, which I am now strong/steady enough to do, I wear a big brimmed hat.  That keeps the sun off my face.  The hat sat just right on my head and the crown of the hat was a nice distance above my ears.  Not anymore.  I put that hat on and it falls to my ears, the crown sits on the top of my head.  If I didn't have ears that hat would fall to the bottom of my nose.

As for the makeup, I have figured out how to feather it from my face upon my scalp.  The problem is I am getting makeup all over my pull over shirts.  No hair, so the shirt touches scalp and the makeup.  I forget to hold the neck out going over my head.  Makeup ends up on the collar, on the neckline.  Not a huge problem, but I am not adapting well to dressing myself and not getting makeup all over. 

I am sure I will figure this out.  Just wanted you to know all my problems are  not life threatening health issues. 

An update on me

This past week was a rest week between rounds of chemo.  Tuesday, if platelets are high enough I begin another 3 week round.  Although that may change a little after the talk we had with the oncologist Friday.

The oncologist said if she had seen me out and about, she wouldn't have dreamed I was a cancer patient.  My color is good, and I look healthy.  That was good to hear.  We were hoping for another scan to see if any progress, but she said it is too soon from the last one.  Then we talked about the chemo.

The three chemo meds I did before Christmas were just too harsh and hard for my body.  That is why we went with a gentler one in January.  The doctor thinks I have rebounded so well that we should add another gentle chemo.  It doesn't have as awful side effects as the pre Christmas chemo.  I might have some nauseas and more fatigue.  Marty is researching the new one and we will decide in the next week or so if I should take it.

I wrote a week or so ago about the loss of hair except on my upper lip and chin.  Well folks, overnight my eyelashes are coming back and I am growing head hair.  Doing my happy dance.  Of course the new chemo will probably make everything fall out again. 

I am a very vain person as mentioned in other posts.  When my legs swelled from the chemo I was really upset with the old lady no ankles look.  I now have ankles and must say they are damn good looking.  Then there was the hair loss. 

Even when I was bigger than the side of a barn, I felt I always looked good because my hair was gorgeous.  I had the Triplett silver hair.  Daddy had it, Uncle Fessor had it, Aunt Margaret, and Uncle Bill had the silver hair.  Big Boy Cousin Ernest has gorgeous silver hair.  It is a Triplett blessing.  So I cried when my hair fell out.  My hair was my crown of glory.

Here I am with pancreatic cancer that they can do little about, and I worry about ankles and hair.  Doesn't make sense does it?  Last night I dreamed all my hair came back nice and thick, but it wasn't Triplett hair, it was Mother's side of the family: Edwards' mousey grey hair.  In my dream I cried over the hair color, and had it dyed pink. 

Even in my sleep I am vain.

Chemo = Hair Loss, so why, why . . .

Because of the chemo I do have hair loss.  I am pretty close to bald.  You can see my pink scalp through about 25 hairs.  My eyebrows are thinning and my eyelashes are disappearing fast.  I haven't needed to shave my legs or underarms in months. Even regular body hair on my arms is gone. 

So I have to ask you why oh why is that pesky mustache coming in?  Why are white and sometimes black hairs cropping up on my chin?  Does that seem fair?  My gorgeous silver head hair is gone, yet hair is growing where it is not needed nor wanted. 

WHY?

Great Surprise

Late yesterday afternoon I received a nice surprise.  Marty's phone rang and it had a number and  Corbin, KY. (my home town) I figured it was a high school friend.  WRONG.  It was my Big Boy Cousin, Ernest Triplett. 

Now to explain Big Boy.  Ernest was 16 when I was born. I only knew him as a grown up. I only had 3 or 4 cousins my age.  Most of the Daddy's were gone fighting WWII.  Ernest is a true Triplett:  charming, good looking, great hair, never met a stranger.  He will tell you stories about Kentucky, entertain you and sell you half the merchandise in his store at the same time.   Tripletts are great at retail.

He and my mother (Aunt Anna) were good friends.  He told me last night that talking to me was like talking to his Aunt Anna, that I sound just like her.  Ernest told me about a family feud that just maybe my mother caused.  Mother kept someone from being buried in the family plot and the offended family member cut all Tripletts out of his life.  I found this really interesting, Mother was a Triplett by marriage.  How did she have such power?  And why?  When I feel better maybe I will get all the details.

He gave me lots of information about the names the Triplett men were given for generations:  Henry, William, Hall, Napoleon.

Ernest called to tell me he loves me and to give some cancer advice.  His first wife beat cancer for 15 years and then lost the second battle.  He talked about Marty needing to take care of himself.  And then he said if you lose your hair, don't wear a hat or a scarf.  Get several wigs and have fun.  Also he said people look at  you differently if it is evident you have lost your hair.  They know you are sick.  Fancy wigs, they talk about how great your hair looks.  Interesting observance.

A little of this, a little of that

Marty takes excellent care of me.  He comes home with all kinds of stuff to keep me comfortable, to look better, or just to perk me up.

My hair has fallen out to an ugly state.   I guess I will have my head shaved when this round of chemo is over.  I need to be perky to make the ride to my hairdresser's.  Marty has been all over head coverings.  He googled chemo hats, wigs, head coverings for chemo patients.  I am happy with my baseball hat and the knit hats a friend made me.  Marty seems to want lots of scarves that look as if I tied them, but really are sewn together. He bought two great sparkly hats that I like a lot.  He  wants bright colors, design, fashion statements.   I just want  my hair back.

I went with him yesterday to look at head coverings.  I was tired and cranky, Marty was sweet and ignoring my bitchiness.  We went into a store that advertised they sold things for chemo/cancer patients.  First they didn't have chairs for patients, folks we poop out really quickly.  AND you can't try on any of the head coverings.  We left and I went home and took a nap.

Every day he asks what do I want for lunch, supper, for a snack.  And I always shrug my shoulders and go I don't know.  Even when food doesn't nauseate me, nothing seems interesting.   I am a hard one to help.

Warning Kirsten, gross stuff.

My mouth is full of sores and that makes it nearly impossible to eat.  These sores bleed, hurt, they make it hard to even open my mouth.  My teeth hurt and the gums bleed.  I am a mess.  The doctor had a mouth wash made up that you "swish and swallow".  It numbs my mouth for several hours.  So I can eat a little bit of soft food.  This morning I had bacon, scrambled eggs, English muffins: except I could only eat the eggs.  Everything else was too crispy, and hurt my poor mouth.

The "doughnut" is a huge help.  Pain levels have dropped.  Still not a nice thing to deal with, but we are handling it.

Back to sort of normal stuff.

We are getting excited about Thanksgiving.  My brother, Henry, and his wife, Ann are arriving on Saturday.  They know they are spending a ton of money to mostly watch me sleep and not eat.  But we will have fun.  We will laugh, Henry and I will as usual drive Ann and Marty crazy with stories from our weird childhood.  Some stories we tell over and over just to annoy our spouses.

If I am well enough we will go to friends for Thanksgiving dinner.   They have promised good food for all.  And for me, a warm bed with two adorable doggies to snuggle with. 

Keep you finger crossed that the chemo side effects don't go too crazy Tuesday-Saturday.  I would love to feel half way decent while Henry and Ann are here.