Worst wedding dress ever, and other happenings at the Marriage Factory

Lots of weddings on Monday.  Some in English for me, and others in Cantonese and Spanish.  My first wedding was a destination wedding.  A same sex couple from Arizona had come to California to marry.  They were so nice, a couple of teddy bears.  They loved how nice and easy everything was handled in Alameda County compared to complicated wait times in San Francisco.  Then they noticed the art work was all marriage related. They took lots of pictures by each piece of art.  A great couple to start off the day.

Sometimes I get couples with hard to pronounce names.  Remember I grew up in a little town in Kentucky.  Not much diversity there.  Until I started doing marriages I didn't have to be able to pronounce hard names.  Friends taught me to pronounce their names, and that covered it.  But now, lots of diverse names, Mongolian, Chinese, Vietnamese, Romanian, Hispanic, Indian, and on and on.  For an example check this out: Qixia.  This is Chinese and I do pretty good most of the time.  But a Q and a X in the same word threw me this time.  I was close but no cigar.

Remember my rule, ask if everyone is here, before we go upstairs?  Didn't go as planned. The clerk told them they were next and I would be right out.  (Wish she wouldn't do that, what if I needed a bathroom break, or another commissioner is doing a Spanish wedding?)  Any who, I go out and one of the grooms is missing.  He is paying the parking meter.  They made a point to tell me how long they had been there, an hour!  Really, you think you are the only ones getting married?.  The lobby was packed.  Finally the groom comes back, everyone is here, and we go upstairs.  I call the two grooms over and only one shows.  The guy is missing again.  He had gone to the bathroom.  I admit I got a little testy.  I had a desk full of licenses and these people have taken as long as a ceremony and we haven't started yet.

In my defense for being testy the couple before this one had been a problem.  I started asking questions and realize the groom did not speak/understand English, not a word. The clerk had to know this.  So I had to get them out of the Wedding Room, and then go get the above couple. That is always awkward. 

Now about the awful wedding dress:  Visualize this. . . a mullet dress.  It gets worse, the top is black strapless but she is wearing a black bra that is not strapless.  It gets better and better, the mullet skirt is a leopard print and sheer.  Thank goodness she had on black hot pants under it.  I just can't unsee this hot mess.

Mullet, Peacocks, Roses, Pajamas

Wednesday we had a sampler of brides and grooms.  All kinds of looks.  All kinds of behavior.  Each wedding had a different feel.

The first bride wore a mullet wedding dress.  The skirt was ruched.  On her head she wore a gorgeous fascinator very much like the Champagne Birdcage Veil.   I asked if the couple had their own vows, he said he didn’t.  But she said, “Yes, on my phone.”  He was blindsided.  She read her vows and them he responded in the best way.  He told her he loved her, she was the best thing that had happened to him, and he would always take care of her.  Not a dry eye in the house.

The next bride wore a floor length, high waist dress.  The design was peacock tails in shades of rust and brown.  There was a lot of breasts showing, large bust yet no bra. When I asked for the groom’s ring, she started searching  for it in the front of her dress.  She dug around and finally came up with the ring.  Charming sight.

The next couple were so emotional.  The bride was a young widow.  She wore a white satin street length dress.  It had a bow on the back and sparkles on the bodice.  She carried red roses.  They both cried throughout the ceremony.  Their guests were dressed up for the occasion.  And everyone was so happy and excited for this couple.  You could feel the love for the couple and the couple’s love for each other.

Then we had the groom who beat on the door and pointed at me and at himself.  This happened three weddings back.  I had no license for him, and found him rude.  I had noticed the couple as I went through the lobby.  She was sitting on the counter and his head was buried in her breasts, which were covered in hickeys.  Charming couple.  She wore skin tight pajama bottoms, so tight she had camel toe.  Her top was a camisole that dropped to the nipple level.  And she was wearing Uggs.

The bride kept complaining she wasn’t dressed right for the wedding.  You think?  Then she decided this wasn’t a real wedding, it didn’t count.  Only their church wedding would count.  No, and if you feel that way, why oh why are you having a civil ceremony?   So she didn’t want any pictures taken.  He wanted pictures.  After that argument, the witness was allowed to take pictures from the waist up. 

This couple did several other things that ticked off me and our volunteer witness.  I was very glad to get them out of the building. 

Over all it was a lovely day with nice people.  And if they were all nice, what in the world would write about?