Weddings and Training

Monday I went to the Marriage Factory planning to perform marriage ceremonies.  I was asked to shadow 3 new volunteers and let staff know how they were doing.  I really wanted to do the weddings, but I am there to help out staff. 

Because they were with me, crazy happened:

One couple gave their rings to their four year old.  He put them in his pocket.  Time to give the rings to the couple, he can only find one ring.  His grandfather all but turned him upside down and shook him to get the ring.  It was caught in the pocket.

We met the next couple.  The volunteer and I walked to the elevator, and there is no one with us.  We go back and the whole group of guests and the couple are searching the lobby for the bride's ring.  It is gone, the groom had a hole in his pocket.  Luckily they found it on the floor at their clerk's desk. 

The first woman Q was very confident and did not really take well to suggestions.  I suggested that she needed to speak louder calling for the couple.  She told me there were very few people in the lobbies, volume was not needed.  She will find out, couples do not hear you even if you are next to them.  Oh, well.  She did well with the ceremony, but let one of the guests run the room.  That can't happen.   Q started the ceremony and the guest started posing the couple for pictures.  No, once the ceremony starts, no posing only real pictures.  There were other things, but overall experience will correct them.

The others forgot to introduce themselves, one forgot to do the ring ceremony, they didn't ask for the cell phones to be muted, but overall pretty good.  The biggest thing I found out, they thought they had to do the ceremony exactly as written. 

As you will remember there are only 3 legals sentences, all else is fluff.  They knew that, but when a couple had their own vows Q still did our traditional vows.  Talk about a really long ceremony.  I explained they could shape the sample ceremony to suit the occasion. 

I let them ask me questions.  I told them horror stories of things going wrong.  I then told them you have to be an actor, a host, and sometimes Mother.  It all about control and making the couple comfortable. 

I did do one wedding so they could watch me.  The bride was 10 years older than the groom.  They had known each other since he was born.  From the time he could talk he said, "I am going to marry you."  He would point her out to his friends and say, " That is my woman.  We are going to get married."  Then she married someone else, he was devastated.  He married later.  Neither marriage worked out.  They found each other, he was in Tennessee and she was in Oakland.   They are so in love.  Love was in the room. 

Mike Sugerman’s Day With Me

Last Friday we had reporters at the County Building. They were there to get the word out about the County’s need for volunteer Marriage Commissioners.   I wrote about that last week.  And as  promised here is the update on Mike Sugerman’s report on KCBS.

Mike spent a large part of the day with me.  He was sworn in as a Marriage Commissioner and I trained him.  He shadowed me to see how we do weddings and then he was to do a ceremony.  Only everyone was too shy and didn’t want to be on the radio.  So he interviewed me and two other commissioners.  Finally we had a brave couple who would be on the radio.  The bride listened to him every morning, so was excited to have “that voice” do the ceremony.  He does have a magnificent voice.

Sneaky Marriage Desk Clerk D took pictures of the wedding. Some are through the glass door, some she took with door opened a little.

Mike doing a little interviewing.

Don Ford filming Mike doing the ceremony.  I am holding Mike’s recorder.

Another angle of the ceremony.

Us from the front.  Mike was having a great time.  Big smiles.

The witness taking pictures too.

Last shot of Mike as he pronounced them married.

He was high as a kite on excitement after the wedding.  He said he understood why we volunteered as Marriage Commissioners.  It was such a happy fun job. 

This morning Mike Sugerman gave his radio report.  The link goes to a written report.  Down in the middle of the page is a link (this is a small pop up window) to the audio report.  I have my fingers crossed this works.  Every one has had trouble with this.  If you have trouble, leave a comment and I will try to get a better link.

The on line news agency has not put up their report.  If it shows, I will link it too.

Call for Volunteers

At the beginning of the week a press release went out telling about the opportunity to do weddings at the County Building.  News agencies wanted to meet a volunteer and follow one to see what we do.  I was asked to do interviews with TV reporters on Wednesday.   I was there, no reporters showed up.  They wanted to come on Friday, a day I don’t work.  I agreed to come in.  Hey, it’s 30 seconds of fame.  Several reporters came on Friday.  Some talked to just staff, some talked to Commissioners too.

Friday I arrived at 10:00 and the first reporter arrived shortly after.  It was Mike Sugarman from 740 KCBS radio and channel 5 KPIX TV.  He interviewed a couple of other commissioners and then me.  He had been sworn in as a Deputy Marriage Commissioner and I was to train him.  His report will not be on the radio until Monday morning.  I will tell you all about the day with him and link to his report on Monday.  For locals it is on Monday morning at 6:40, 7:40, 8:40, 9:40.

Don Ford is a reporter from KPIX TV.  He and Mike Sugarman work together sometimes.   I can not find a bio of Don, lots of links to stories he has done.  Don interviewed three of us and then had his story on the news Friday night.   I have a link for it.  I have found in the past after a couple of weeks these links won’t work.  Don interviewed me for maybe 10 minutes and the other 2 for about the same time.  He followed Joe Mallon (our guest blogger) and me around and filmed at least 2 weddings.  Don also filmed Mike Sugarman doing a weddings.  He filmed at least an hour of what we do.  All that cut down to less than 2 minutes. 

One other reporter joined us.  Theresa Adams from www.OaklandNorth.net   an on line news agency.  Again no bio found, just stories she has done.  She said her article will be posted on Monday.  She interviewed some of us, watched the weddings, and made copious notes.  Monday I will link to her article.

We now hope the reports from the various news agencies will bring in new volunteers.  We have gaps during the week with only staff to do marriage ceremonies.

I have to say my day with the reporters was fun.  They were so nice, not like some we have shown around. No, I am a star and you are so lucky to be in the same room with me.  I won’t mention names, but I do take  bribes.   They were respectful of the couples which is our biggest concern. 

Volunteers burn out, have health issues, can’t make that commitment to showing up every week.  Staff has even “fired” one volunteer.  It is a huge responsibility to be a marriage commissioner.  It is also an awesome job. I love doing marriages, and Joe loves doing them.  We just can’t quit smiling.  Hope some of you join us.

For information about volunteering, click here.

FYI

I am insanely busy right now.  Because of that, the wedding gig and the working with first graders has been put on hold.  I plan to skip the volunteering for one more week.  Then I hope things will settle down and be normal, whatever that will be.

If I have time this week, I might comment on some TV programs. Marty and I collapse each night in front of the TV with our Bourbon.  The new season has started, maybe something out there is worth watching.

QUEASY

Today is the long volunteer day. Except today was different. I got up, got dressed, read the two papers, I was close to leaving, and thought yuck. I didn't feel awful, I didn't feel good, I was queasy. So I called the school and the county office and said I won't be in. I felt so bad because I was letting them down. But it was the best thing to do.

By 8:30 I had removed my jewelery, changed clothes, and I was on the couch asleep. I woke up at 12:30 and my husband fixed me a bowl of soup. By 2:30 I was back on the couch and asleep. When I woke up, it was dark and I didn't know where I was at first. It was 5:30 and man does it get dark early now. My Mother says she could always tell when I was sick, I would curl up and sleep. I felt better after my all day nap. I fixed supper and I have watched TV. I am now officially worn out. Shortly I will be off to bed for another 6 or 7 hours of sleep.

I love the word queasy. When I wrote that down, you all knew exactly how I felt. If I had said I didn't feel good, you would have wondered what's up. Queasy, you know. It is a great word, you feel exactly like it sounds. I checked my Webster's Dictionary and found lots of good definitions.

Queasy:
hangover ( not this time); affected with nausea ( oh yeah); squeamish ( not this time); uncomfortable ( yes); difficult to please ( always); hazardous ( you have to ask Marty on that one).

A LONG DAY, VERY LONG

Mondays always seem long. I volunteer with my first graders, rush home at noon to eat and change clothes, and then off to the county building to marry couples. I leave at 8:40 and get home any time between 4:30,and 6:00. I know other people have as long or longer days, but they are getting paid. I am Volunteering. That means every Monday I go into the hole $7:00 just for parking.

Today was hard. My lovely teacher Amy was out today and we had a sub. She is a good sub, she follows what the teacher puts down, she tries to keep discipline, and she is teaching, not just showing up. But this class is hard, they have problems, they are immature, they are trouble. Even Amy somtimes has a hard time keeping control. There was talking out, chairs falling over with children in them ( that became a game), and there was the howler.

We had a child who was upset his Mother didn't hug and kiss him goodbye this morning. So he cried, whined, howled, tried to throw up, sobbed, carried on loudly for the entire morning. I longed for the days when you could hit students and give them a reason to cry. He was sent back to the room from Music class, they couldn't sing if he howled. The principal took him to the office to try to calm him down. He liked that too much and wanted to spend the day there. So he howled and carried on some more, no tears just disruption of the class. I took him back to the office and they refused him. We sat him in the hall and left him. He came back sniffling and acting put up on, again I just wanted to smack him up the side of the head. He finally calmed down but he had pretty much ruined the morning for me, the sub, and the rest of the class.

Then I went to marry couples. This is my happy volunteer job. I love to marry couples. But as I said, I have no endings. Lots of stories today, who knows how they turn out. My first couple were gigglers. They were so nervous, the bride giggled, then started laughing out loud, then the groom lost it, and then the witnesses were laughing. After they were married, the bride cried.

I took the license into the marriage desk to have it recorded. The clerk was on the phone. She was trying to find out when a couple was married. Their license said they were married on 11-11-08 which would be tomorrow. The bride said they were married on 10-11-08, (the license was not sold to them until 10-30-08) then she said on 11-05-08. Can you say doesn't make sense? The couple later came in and it still didn't make sense, the minister had put tomorrow as the wedding date. They couldn't speak much English and we couldn't get a straight story out of them. So a license amendment was mailed to the minister asking when the wedding was. This one I might get an ending.

I did a Hispanic wedding and the groom's first name was Williams, not a Hispanic name. I called the name and 2 men answered. I then went to the brides name and eliminated one couple. Two wedding later I get the license and there is the name Williams again. A Hispanic couple, but not a Hispanic name. Neither of these men were born in the USA, but had very American names. Why?

The last wedding of the day was fun. The groom had on a tee shirt that said The Groom, Dead man walking. The Bride's tee shirt said The Bride aka the executioner. There were four men with them. They were very polite and called me mam. I am 90% sure they were military, the military are always so polite and say mam. But I didn't ask, not my right. This was a joyous wedding, The guests were thrilled as was the couple. It was a nice way to end the day.