News from the Marriage Factory

Today is the probably the last time we will see Joe's post as first time readers.  He is going to write his own blog.  I am so tickled he is doing that.  His writing has become so different from his first posts 2 1/2 years ago.  And I mean that in a good way.  He was very factual at first, just the facts mam.  Now he expands, adds humor, and lets us see Joe.  In the future after he posts, I will link to his blog for you all.  His readers should see it first.  

Spring Has Sprung!

Despite several people telling me different, Friday was not the first day of spring.  It was the day before the first day of spring.  That did not stop all manner of folk from deciding to ring in the new season with a new spouse.

The Marriage Factory was busier for me than it's been since Valentine's Day.  More importantly, I got to train a new clerk/marriage commissioner.  I've trained a few in the 6+ years I've been doing weddings, and it's great to watch someone learn how to guide the couple to the best possible experience.  That includes understanding how to control a crowd, knowing the ins and outs of the paperwork, and above all, spreading what joy we have on their special day.  Mostly it's about making sure the names are spelled right, trying to keep the kids quiet, and repeating the vows until the bride & groom hear them.

This week was no different in those respects: a nervous bride who rocked back and forth from "I (your name here)" through "I now pronounce you", a license that had to be reprinted twice for the same mistake, and various children tearing around the room.

When the new clerk was ready for her first wedding, I let her take the lead.  She did a great job, especially since she knew the couple.  It was a surprise to both her and them.  They are having a large ceremony later this month in which the clerk's former beau is a groomsman.  She handled what could have been a very awkward situation with far more aplomb than I might have, sending them on their way with a great souvenir picture to show their soon-to-be bridal party.

Fashion report: the day started with a bang: a beautiful black dress with beaded backing and a silver headpiece.  There were several suits and a traditional cotton wedding dress and shirt.

By The Numbers:

Ceremonies: 14

Formal wear: 9

Toddlers in pin-stripe suits with ties: sadly, only 1

--

Joe Mallon

News from Joe on Weddings in 2014

The Marriage Factory in 2014

Weddings.  People keep having them.  Here's a couple who got married at the Rose Bowl (http://www.cnn.com/2015/01/01/us/oregon-duck-fans-wedding/index.html).  Business at the Marriage Factory continues apace.  I usually do 8-12 weddings each Friday morning.  This year, I even subbed on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve.  Christmas Eve was busy, New Year's Eve not so much.

This week, I did a pair of double weddings, where groom #1 was the witness for couple #2.  More people than you think get married on the spur of the moment, finding a witness among the similarly inclined or the kindly romantic.  Our no-appointment-needed policy is very attractive to those with a yen to take care of everything at once, mitigated only by the need to feed a meter until their turn comes.  Every once in a while, that is a gating factor, at least until a last-minute scramble sets things right.

Witnesses number from 0 to "Please, if you can't find a seat, stand quietly."  Children are quiet or excited or bored or screaming or some combination thereof.  Tears and laughter, mostly from the bride, sometimes from the groom, often from the crowd.  Every once in a while, a sigh of relief from a parent, sibling or even a child, glad her folks finally made it official.

There have been a number of lovely outfits since I last wrote.  Wednesday, a patterned blue shawl blouse with fringe, followed by a white macrame-style knit dress. Each groom matched his bride, midnight blue bowling-shirt cut for one, cream linen suit for the other.

I've seen long, flowing gowns and simple but elegant sundresses; modest heels, thigh-high lace-up boots, and pink bedazzled flip-flops; sweeping up-dos, long flowing locks, shaved heads, and even a veil or two.

I know the clerks missed having Miss Janet with them in the latter part of 2014 and look forward to her return, as do I.  Get well soon, dear.

--
Joe Mallon

The name's the same and other notes

Some names are very common at the Marriage Factory.  John, Joe, and Mary, and their spanish counterparts, certainly.  Last week, though, I had 3 grooms, 2 in back-to-back ceremonies, with the same first name - one that wasn't a common first name.  It's the first time I remember that happening with this particular name.  I'll need to keep an eye out for similar occurrences.

Note to couples posing for pictures *before* the ceremony: you can take a few, then let's get down to business.  When I'm being moved out of the way so the photographer can get several poses from different angles, it's time to get going.  I know you wore your best clothes and look as good as possible, but let's do the whole "reason you're here in the first place" part.  You'll have plenty of time for pictures once you've actually been joined.

Technology is not for everyone, but when it works, it's very impressive.  One member of a couple was struggling to get FaceTime working on his phone and his parents' phone so they could be present at the ceremony.  I gave them a couple chances, and then recommended we have the wedding and he could talk with them afterwards.  As I began, they rang him to say they'd finally gotten it working.  A couple minutes later, there they were!  We started from the beginning, and all went well.  When we'd wrapped up things, he told me they were joining us from Israel!  Whew!  I'm glad they got everything working, as I'd hate to come between a nice Jewish boy and his mama on his wedding day.

Fashion Watch:

The bride in a beautiful blue shift with gold patterns - she was glad she "made it through without crying".

The couple who both wore suits - hers was a gorgeous white pantsuit like Bianca Jagger's Yves Saint Laurent from 1971.

The granddad who wore a Giants cap - go orange & black!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Another change in my life style

Last spring I wrote that I was not going to finish the year volunteering with the First Graders at Kaiser.  I was not stable and could not promise to show up regularly.  I had already missed most of the year and that was not good for the children.

I had planned to start volunteering again this month when school started.  But I am finding I still tire easily and working with First Graders is a lot of being on my feet.  A-Fib still pops up and kick the props out from under me.  So I called it a no go for this year.  I have to keep me strong and I have to think of the regular schedule small children need. 

I will miss working with the children.  And I will really hate not being with Ms. H.  But you gotta do what you gotta do.

I will continue at the Marriage Factory.  Staff can do my job if I can't make it.  If I can give them warning, one of the volunteers comes in and does an extra shift. If we are real busy, I don't do much walking, runners bring the couples up to the Marriage Room. 

I will find other things to write about.  I will vent, rant, and maybe even make up things just to keep it interesting.

Weddings 0 A-Fib 1

Monday I was to be at the Marriage Factory.  I was looking forward to it.  I love doing weddings. But it was not to be.  Sunday evening and all through the night I was in A-Fib.  The alarm went off and I thought I can do this. I can go in and do weddings. Wrong.

The doctors have called A-Fib a nuisance disease, it won't kill me, just mess up plans.  And it did again.  I got up with the alarm and felt a little lightheaded.  I took a shower and totally ran out of energy.  I barely had the energy to dry off, let alone dress and go marry couples.    So I texted in sick.

I hate not showing up.  I feel guilty because staff counts on me to take the load off them.  I count on having an interesting day, meeting people, and performing ceremonies.  I did  not have an interesting day. 

I stretched out in the recliner, read, and slept most of the day.  I received a text from the Marriage Desk Clerk that they did 20 weddings yesterday.  It was one of those magic numbers' days 7/7/14. 

Damn I missed all the craziness. 

WEDDINGS!!! Really, weddings

Monday for the first time in a little over 2 months, I was back at the Marriage Factory.  I wasn't sure if I would be strong, peppy, energetic enough to last 3 or 4 hours.  But unless I tried, I would never know.  I arrived before they opened at 8:30 and left at noon.  Thankfully it was a slow day and I could rest between ceremonies.

It was great to be welcomed back and to receive the hugs from staff.  They are a great group of people to work with.  They checked on me, my staff back up kept saying,  " ... just let me know if it is too much.  I'm here if you need to rest."

The timing of ceremonies has changed.  People used to arrive when we opened and that would be the rush of the day.  Now they are arriving around 10:30 and it builds through the day.  So, I didn't have a lot of ceremonies, only 3. When I left at noon, the lobby was packed.

The first bride wore a white dress with black polka dots.  Her shoes were gold matte finish heels with little satin roses on the toe. The groom was from Virginia and very preppy.  He wore an oxford cloth button down collar shirt that was nicely tucked into khaki Bermuda shorts.  But the things that really struck me were his face and hair.  His hair was shoulder length and he had a mustache and small goatee. I kept thinking I recognized him.  Who was he, was he famous?  And then it hit me, King Charles.  Look at these pictures.  The first picture in the first row and the second picture in the second row are this young man to a tee. 

The second couple were Chinese.  I called the first name and the bride ran up and said yes we are here.  I introduced myself, asked the standard questions, and did the ceremony.  We found an error when I took the license in to be recorded and had to resign the new copy.  That is when I found out I had been calling the bride and groom by each other's name.  They laughed and said Chinese names are always mixed up.  I then had to think was the ceremony legal?  Yes, they had given consent at the right time, and thinking back had used their correct names in doing so.  I was soooo embarrassed.  Names are really important and I messed up.  Thankfully they were not upset.  But also why did she answer for him when I called for them in the lobby?  Oh, well.

My last one is embarrassing in a different way.  One witness was a well dressed man wearing a gray on gray double breasted suit and a crisp white shirt.  Very striking man.  We got in the elevator and I look over and his fly was down.  I then looked everywhere but at him.  What are you to do when you see someone with their fly open?  I took the coward's way out and acted like everything is hunky dory.  Later I noticed he had zipped up, thank goodness. 

Marriage Factory on Monday

Monday the clerks were busy, couples were buying their marriages licenses ahead of time for Valentine's Day.  We are expecting a mob of people on Friday.  Monday we already had 8 hours of weddings booked.  We know there will be more booked and a gazillion walk ins.  This is the first time same sex couples will be able to marry on Valentine's Day, it is on a Friday, and the topper is it is a 3 day weekend. We may set records again.  Several rooms will be decorated for ceremonies and several volunteers will be there to do the ceremonies.

 But now to Monday's weddings.

The brides had had a huge "wedding" a couple of months ago.  They came on a Friday to buy their license for their big wedding on Sunday.  Oops, they forgot papers to prove a name change, IDs did not match, so no license could be issued.  Monday they had their legal wedding.  Even though they had done a big ceremony, they were much more moved than they expected. Again a same sex couple told me how wonderful it was to finally be real.

Two grooms with their mamas as witnesses were next.  One of the mamas was so nervous and emotional.  She cried with happiness during the ceremony.  The grooms were so pleased with the beauty of the words in the ceremony.  As they left, the nervous mama hurried back to me and hugged  me and kissed me.  She thanked me and the clerks for the wonderful wedding for her son. 

I called the next couple.  A man (age 44, never married this is important later) walks up in a gorgeous gray suit with a red rose boutonniere.  I ask for the bride and he says with great pride, " She is the pregnant one over there."  Now their were 6 + women standing there who could have been pregnant:  large bellies, over blouses, just being female.  I looked around and I was not going to address anyone.  No woman wants to be identified as pregnant if she isn't.  I said you are just bragging, as a very pregnant woman in a white lace dress with a red and white roses' bouquet identified herself.  And all the women laughed

I thought OK that was funny, now to the elevator.  As the doors closed the groom's sister's says to him, "Are you sure you aren't gay?" He yelled, "I am not gay"  Then others started in on him, are you sure?  It was a family joke.  It seems his parents kept asking if he were gay because to them he was a little long in the tooth to be single. The groom was crying and the bride kept wiping his eyes.  Everyone was happy and fun, and excited for the couple. 

Monday was so calm, like the calm before the storm.  This weekend I will post about Valentine's Day.

Everyone here, Lost Grooms, Rude guests

Place: Marriage Factory lobby
Question:  Is everyone here?
Answer: Yes

Place: Elevator
Question:  What floor are we going to? I need to let my friend know where to join us.
Answer (in my head):  You dumb $#*+, what part of everyone did you not understand?

The above turned out OK.  We went back downstairs and they apologized.  One of the brides said that was their rehearsal, a practice run.  The marriage ceremony was fun and the brides were sweet and so in love.

I called for the next couple, no answer.  I called for them in both lobbies, couldn't find them.  Later a clerk located them sitting in a room off the lobby.  Where they were it was impossible to hear me. These two men were probably the most stressed out couple I have married.  They could not believe it was really happening.  They were finally being allowed to marry.  They told me it just didn't seem real that they were finally recognized as equal to the rest of the human race.  They were in tears and so appreciative of how kind everyone had been. 

First off I am not a bigot, nor am I racist.  But this next group was of a cultural group that looks down on women and is very controlling of women. That means since I am a woman any directions/rules I gave for the ceremony did not count.

Now to the stinkers.  This time the guests were soooo rude and would not back off.  I started the ceremony and it became all about the pictures.  I give them time before and after the ceremony for posed shots.  During the ceremony you would think the picture taking would be candid.  Not this group, and one person stands out for king of rudeness, aka KOR.

He talked over me telling a woman to fix the bride's hair. And a woman walked up and started fussing with the hair.  Then KOR kept telling the couple how to turn.  I told him no talking and nothing but candid shots.  Did not faze him, he kept talking and getting in front of me.  During the ring ceremony the groom dropped to his knees to slide the ring on his bride's finger.  How sweet.   KOR walks up to the groom, yelling instructions, stopped him, and started to pose him.  All the while I am yelling as if at a 2 years old, "NO! NO! candid only, be quiet."  The groom dropped back to his knees but the moment was shattered.  Again KOR tells them how to pose.  Again I am yelling at a 2 year old, no talking.  It was all I could do not to back hand KOR. 

I can't end on such a sour note.  My last wedding was so fun and so sweet.  He was born in 1944 she was born in 1957.  Her mother had made a lei of orchids for her and an orchid boutonniere for him. This was an older couple who were like a couple of giggly teenagers.  They laughed and smiled, they oozed love.  Her mother welcomed him to the family and laughed saying, "Now you aren't just the gardener."   He looked at me and said, "Long story and it isn't what you think."  They all laughed and wouldn't explain.  All I could think of was Desperate Housewives.

Again dammit, I have no endings.

Joe talks fashion

Joe is getting really good at the fashion report.  

Another busy day at the factory.  In my last post, I advocated
legalizing same-sex marriage for the tourist windfall.  There's
another reason: male same-sex couples have good-looking weddings, no
matter their age.  The older couple I married early in the day had
found the same monogrammed shirt in different sizes, and were wearing
the same colored trousers and shoes, topped off with matching
boutonnieres.  Casual, but stylish.

I had to wait until my shift was almost over for the best-dressed
wedding.  The entire party were in black and white.  Two men and a
bunch of female guests, all in clever variations on the same theme.
It was clear that a guiding intelligence had put the party together.
One of the women wore a white lace dress.  I thought she was the bride
until the gentlemen in vests, one with a standard tie and one a bow
tie, stepped forward.  While the ceremony was nice, the fashion show
was better.

There was competition: a lovely purple wrap dress, a knee-length white
brocade, and a full-length standard bridal gown.  The latter was in my
last wedding of the day, which was also the largest.  The wedding room
was full, all the benches packed.  The crowd urged the bride and groom
through their vows, and when they were pronounced husband and wife,
the place erupted.  I hope their marriage is as happy as their guests
were.

--

And now a post from Joe

Dispatches From The Marriage Factory: Big party!

It's a little unsettling to look into a crowded lobby, see what looks
like at least 2 parties, and call a pair of names, only to see
everyone in sight move toward you.  The guests couldn't have been
nicer, even offering each other places on the first ride up.  Two
stuffed elevators later, the wedding room was full to bursting, and
everyone had a camera.  The couple finally moved into place, and we
had a lovely ceremony.  Luckily, the next couple didn't mind waiting a
bit as even more pictures were taken.

Later in the day, there was another big crowd, just as happy and just
as fotophilic (as opposed to photophilic - responding well to light -
not me in the morning!), flashing away before, during, and after the
ceremony.  The couple had been together for many years, and the guests
wanted to capture every moment of the big day.

And a child shall lead them.  Or at least watch.  For the first time,
both of the witnesses (and only guests) for a wedding were children.
They were about 8 and 10.  The state says that anyone who can sign his
name can witness a wedding, so everything was on the up-and-up.  The
kids were excited about seeing their parents marry after many years
together.  There were tears and hugs, a few signatures, and off they
went for a well-deserved round of ice cream.

Part 3 from Joe

Why I Marry

Working at the Hall of Records lets me evangelize and proselytize something I believe in firmly - marriage.

As I've mentioned, I am married, and happily so.  Marrying my wife has been the smartest decision I've ever made, and I've made some awfully good decisions.  Marriage has proved a stabilizing influence on both our lives, and enabled us to weather some rather bad storms.  I'm sure Janet would agree that having someone with you who's promised to hang around through thick and thin, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, makes getting through the rough times a little easier.

I am a satisfied customer not just of marriage, but also of the Hall of Records.  I marry people in the very room in which I got married, a twist I hadn't expected.  The Hall staff are kind people whom I consider friends, and they do their very best to help the soon-to-be-newlyweds.  The routine provides a nice grounding and a good end to each work week.

Most couples are at least a little happy they're getting married.  Some are so overjoyed that tears and laughter spontaneously erupt - occasionally simultaneously.  When you can spend a few hours a week helping people feel that good, and you're not breaking the law to do it, why wouldn't you?

Until I am healthy enough to volunteer again, Joe has promised to send more posts.  Big hugs to friend Joe.  

News from The Marriage Factory

As promised our guest blogger Joe is back.

It's been a long time since I've written.  A lot has happened.  I'll hit the highlights.

The week after same-sex marriage was legalized (or de-de-legalized), the marriage factory was empty.  I did maybe 8 ceremonies.  The next week, I did 30 in 4 1/2 hours.  Le deluge, indeed.  The couples were all grateful, and almost all sweet.  Standouts include the men who had matching bow ties.  I was wearing one as well, purchased for the occasion by my wife from Jessie Tyler Ferguson's marriage-equality-supporting company, tietheknot.org.

After the initial rush (20 ceremonies the next week, 18 the week after that), things calmed down, as I knew they would.  The average is 12-15 ceremonies, with the volume picking up toward midday.  The summer has been busier, so I wasn't surprised to read that Miss Janet kept busy when she filled in for me.

Last week's couples were almost all dressed for the occasion, from those with one witness to a crew of 20 or more.  It wasn't until the end of my shift that I got a t-shirt & jeans couple.  Trumping all comers were a group from an African country.  Each woman in the crowd wore a different color.  They posed for pictures in the lobby, and it looked like a rainbow - so beautiful!  I also had two couples with English grooms.  That accent!  No wonder their spouses fell for them.

This week, there was an early wedding with a problem that pops up every once in a while: the member of the couple who does not speak English.  No worries for me if his/her language is Spanish - I do Spanish ceremonies every week.  This time, he spoke French.  My wife's French is good, but mine is non-existent.  As usually happens in these cases, there was a witness who was translating most of what is going on.  That person cannot translate the vows, however.  The groom must agree to the marriage without prompting.  The translator is only trying to help, but unfortunately, we must be rude and ask her to stop talking.  Luckily in this case, the groom understood enough to tell me that he wanted to marry his bride, and everything else went off without a hitch.  I used Google Translate to learn how to ask the necessary question: Voulez vous epouser BRIDE'S NAME?  Now I am prepared - unless the couple speaks German.  Then I'm out of luck.

--
Joe Mallon

Slow slow Monday

I had just become used to lots of weddings and Monday it slowed to a crawl,  I did only 4 ceremonies and Clerk A did maybe 3 Spanish.  I got a lot of my book read.  The ceremonies I did had no real stand out craziness or high emotion. 

There were a couple of different moments.  The bride's black and white dress was low cut over her enormous bosom. She had put black netting across her cleavage.  The cleavage that was showing through the netting had to been 8 inches long.

I looked at a license and went wow. One of the brides was born in 1932 and the other bride was born in 1928.  I thought these women will be all sentimental about finally being able to marry.  Wrong. they wanted the shortest fastest ceremony I had.  I was a bad girl, I did not tell them it only took 3 sentences to be married.  But I did do a very short ceremony.

Marriage Desk Clerk D had an interesting and stupid request.  A bride had hyphenated her name to let's say Brown-Jones.  A couple of weeks later she wants to change it to Jones-Brown.  She goes to the Court House to change it.  The clerk there told the couple they need to get an amendment from the Marriage Desk.  Wrong, they need a lawyer and have to file paperwork.  Anyway they show up and D tells them what they have to do, they argue the Court House had  said . . .  Clerk D wrote a note explaining what the Court House and the couple have to do and sent the couple back.  They didn't come back so I hope the Court House people figured it out.

My Last Friday at the Marriage Factory

I said Friday was my last time, but I bet Joe travels in the future.  Hey Joe, I am ready, willing, and able to cover for you anytime.  Now that Joe has had a long long working vacation, maybe he will start blogging again.  Friday was slow for a Friday.   There were a lot of ceremonies but not back to back as there usually are. 

A clerk came to tell me a couple was upstairs waiting on me. Why tell me that?  Couples are not to go upstairs without a commissioner.  No one had brought me license, I can't do anything without a license.  The Marriage Desk Clerk sent them downstairs.  I was given their license and we went upstairs.  I teased the couple that they were eager to get married and they said they were.  Both the groom and the bride were in black and white.  The groom out dressed the bride.  He wore a three piece suit, pearl white shirt, and a black and white tie.  Very striking.

Clerk  G handed me a license and warned me the groom was weird. She thought it was an immigration wedding.  She also thought the groom was on something.  I think she was right.  He was almost bug eyed.  He was hyper, abrupt, and a little scary.  His bride was a seemingly timid Asian.  He gripped her hands hard during the ceremony, stared intensely at her during the vows, hitting key words hard. ( promise, forsaking, love, comfort).  As weird as he was I finally decided they were a love match.  He would rub her hand with his thumb, and she would smile up at him.  After the ceremony they kissed and hugged in a loving way. 

As long as I have been doing marriage ceremonies I still get surprised by what people say and do.  When we give a couple their certified copy of the license, if there is a name change we tell them steps they need to take.  One or both persons marrying may change their names.   I explained to a bride to first go to Social Security, then to DMV, and lastly to change her name on her passport.  She said she hadn't changed her name, she had only hyphenated her name.  Uh, that is a name change.  When she left she was still protesting she had hyphenated so she wouldn't have to go to Social Security etc.

WOW! Friday at the Marriage Factory

Joe our guest blogger is out of the country most of August.  I am working his Friday morning shift at the Marriage Factory.  Friday the busiest day of the week.  Wednesday has become a no business day.  So I really enjoyed the fast pace yesterday.  There is one down side to the fast pace.  There is no time to make many notes on fashion, quirks, errors, etc. 

Clerk A mainly does Spanish ceremonies when I am there.  But we had a plan, she did Spanish and English.  I did English. We have a lot more English ceremonies. This cut down on wait time for couples.  We were using two rooms which meant we were doing roughly 2 weddings every 15 minutes.  The whole morning we had 5 licenses waiting every time we came back to our desks.  The clerks out front were swamped with couples buying licenses and couples.  Clerk A and I never felt we were far behind.  If  3 or more clerks are processing licenses, 2 commissioners will be somewhat behind them.

Things got a little testy when some clerks kept telling us couples had been waiting for an hour and were unhappy. When a couple of clerks started circling check in times on the receipts, we were ticked.  We are working our tails off, being gracious, making sure each couple feels this is a great experience and clerks are bitching at us to hurry up.  Don't tick off the volunteer.  Do the math, 3 or more licenses every 10 minutes, 15 minute ceremonies, 2 commissioners. We do not do appointments, it is first come first serve, that means you have to wait. 

Now for one happy story.  My first ceremony the couple was two charming men. They were in their early 80's.  Very dapper, beautiful suits with pocket hankies. The shine on their shoes would blind you.  They were very emotional during the ceremony.  These men had been together 52 years and still adored each other.  Their friends did not look dapper, well one did.  Two were young and over the top with sparkly phones and shoes.  Everyone in the room was happy, fun, and having a great day.

52 years is a wonderful statement for love.  How honored I was to do the wedding ceremony for these two men.

Yep, still doing weddings

I haven’t blogged about weddings lately because there have not been many.  Wednesday has become a nothing day in the wedding department.  The last two weeks I have done a total of 3 weddings.  Not really worth the price of gas to get me to Oakland.  But even with so few, each wedding was wonderful and moving.

Wedding 1:  The groom was 45 and this was his 4th marriage.  That is a lot of baggage.  The bride was 34 and this was her first marriage.  She wore a white sheath with gold braid at the waist.  Oh, did I warn you of the thin white dress?  She also wore a black bra.  The nice part the groom had his own vows and cried as he said them.

Wedding 2:  The groom was Vietnamese and the bride was Chinese.  English was their common language.  He wore a black suit and black shirt.  She wore a tiered chiffony dress that had spaghetti straps.  The dress was dark blue with white polka dots.  Her shoes were sparkly blue flats that had silver metal polka dots.  Many of the Asian couples are not as demonstrative as other ethnic groups.  This couple almost clung to each other.  The groom was so emotional, and so tender taking care of his very nervous bride.  The love was felt in the room.

Wedding 3:  I saw the woman out in the lobby wearing a fuchsia strapless chiffon dress.  The clerks commented on the bride waiting for her turn.  The groom was all in white/cream.  White cord slacks, white shirt, he was too cool to wear socks and wore cream cloth loafers.  I introduced myself and then another woman walked up.  Oops, I had the wrong person as the bride.  The fuchsia woman was the daughter of the real bride.  Oh, the daughter was 11 years old.  She is a stunning beauty.  Up close I could tell she was too young to be the bride.  But 11 and that much of a knockout?  Quel surprise!  The mother/bride was even more stunning than the daughter.  The bride wore a cream sleeveless sheath with silver strappy high heel sandals.    The groom cried throughout the ceremony and the bride kept wiping his tears away.  This was already a family.  He was not the birth father, but he already was the father.  Nice nice family.

And that is it for weddings for the last two weeks.  In a couple of hours I will leave to go to the Marriage Factory.  Keep your fingers crossed that business picks up.

I think I scared the bride

Clerk F brought me the license.  I checked it over and found what I thought might be an error.  The bride's name was Mary Worth.  Her mother's maiden name was Sally Forth, her dad's name was Rex Morgan.  The bride had been married before and on the line for name at birth if different, it was blank.  I looked at the names of her mom and dad and her name, it didn't add up.  I was 99% sure Worth was not her birth name.  Now she could have been adopted and they kept her birth name but I doubted it.  I had to check it in case we needed to correct the license.

I went out to talk to to the couple. The couple was Japanese and the groom did all the talking while she looked to him for a translation.  That is never a good sign.  I told the groom he mustn't talk, she had to answer my questions.  I asked her what was her birth name, blank stare.  What was your name before you married?  Is Worth your married name?  No answer and then very broken English that I could not understand.  I asked if she could understand what I was saying, blank stare.  The groom says she has a problem with English.  He said Worth was not her birth name. I told him we had to correct the license.  Then I explained if she could not understand me I legally could not marry them. I told him it was for her protection.

I talked to F and she was bent out of joint.  She didn't want to correct the license, and the bride spoke English.  We have no Japanese translator so we would have to credit their credit cards.  Not a happy clerk.  I went to get the lead clerk Y to do the refund.

About 5 minutes later Y says, "She speaks pretty good English and if you aren't comfortable doing the ceremony someone else will do it."  I agreed to do  the ceremony, not understanding why the groom said she had a problem with English.

The bride and groom explained they only speak Japanese at home and it takes a while to totally switch to English.  The bride said she just got nervous and couldn't think of any words.  We laughed and I tried to make them comfortable. They both relaxed and I did the marriage ceremony.  The groom asked if we really have men bring in non English speaking brides and we have to refuse to do the ceremony.  Yes, yes we do.  More than you would think.

 I think the bride thought I was going to make her take an English test before they could marry.  I feel bad that I might have scared her.  I thought I was being nice and professional.  Maybe I need to work on professional being a little softer.

Hot hot in the Wedding Room

I have had to change my comments' controls.  I am getting all kinds of spam.  I am still allowing anonymous comments.  But I put in the awful write the word and prove you are human thing.  I really want anyone to comment so bear with  me and try to figure out the stupid word.   

Wednesday the Bay Area was in the middle of a heat wave.  Even San Francisco and Oakland were in the 90s.  Because they rarely are that hot the air conditioning doesn't seem to understand it has to crank up and fight to keep the buildings cool.  The Marriage Factory was warm on the first floor.  The Wedding Room was hot hot hot. That room is usually 69 or 70 degrees.  It is kept cooler than the rest of the building because  nervous couples feel the heat more.  A cool room will help them stay calm and maybe keep them from passing out.

Wednesday I was warned the room was hot, from the setting and from the two sides of the room being glass.  The blinds were pulled but the room was 5 degrees higher than usual and climbing.  Maintenance had been called to lower the setting, they never showed.

As you all know, I do not do heat. There's an old saying that horses sweat, men perspire, women glow.  I don't glow, I sweat.  Not a nice feeling when you are dressed up in your big girl clothes.  So how did the heat affect the wedding couples?  A little bit.  But I was the one literally mopping my brow.

One bride was really really nervous.  The wedding party and I got on the elevator and then three other people got on.  One was "boss" L from upstairs.  They were all carrying plates of food.  Boss L congratulated the couple and asked how they were doing.  The bride said she was so nervous and she was really hungry.  L offered her his plate of untouched food.  She declined but seemed touched he would offer it.  I thought it was a sweet move.

After the ceremony I apologized for the hot room.  The bride laughed and said she thought it was just her and her nerves.

The Marriage Factory

Wednesday was slow at the Marriage Factory.  Slow for weddings and slow for other business in the Vitals Department.  I only had one marriage ceremony to perform.  The clerk brought me the license and said that the couple was rude.  And that they told her they were in a rush, so hurry up.  Really people?  No one ahead of you. Things are moving in a timely manner. The groom followed Clerk P across the lobby and was staring in the glass door to watch me check the license.   That just made me read slower.  I know, I am a bad girl.

The first thing I noticed was that the bride was born in 1939, the groom in 1955.   Now I am not one to care about age differences, but this couple just seemed off. Very rushed and impatient.  No love in the room. They were in traditional Indian dress.  The bride wore teal pants and a burgundy embroidered tunic.She had a 10 foot scarf of variegated colors wrapped around her neck.  She had on several gold necklaces and bracelets.

This is rude, but true.  The bride looked like a cow chewing a cud.  She wasn't just chewing gum, she was working it to death.

She was not rude to me, but sure was to her witness.  She handed him a digital camera and he couldn't figure it out.  She fussed at him, kept showing him, and he kept hitting the off button instead of the shutter button. She was blessing him out in their native tongue. Finally to speed things up, I took the camera and showed him the the green off button, and said, "Do not touch this." She showed him again and again with some yelling, and I realized part of the problem.  She was showing how to set the timer for a delayed picture.  He wasn't waiting for the count down to take the next picture.  I did not even try to show them how to bypass the timer.

As I did the ceremony they just seemed bored and impatient with the time it took.  Yet when the ceremony was over they suddenly got all tender and sweet to each other.

We never know how people are going to act/react.

More Reading than Weddings

As soon as I arrived at the Marriage Factory Wednesday, I had three weddings back to back.  I thought, yes finally Wednesday is back to being busy.  No, just the three as soon as I got there, and then I read and played games on my phone.  I miss those busy busy afternoons.  As always I enjoyed doing the ceremonies.

Wedding 1 was for a very Americanized Vietnamese couple.  The bride wore a creamy white chiffon sheath, a black belt, a black shrug, and black heels.  He wore a white shirt and black pants.  They were both grinning, great smiles.  Their parents were with them.  I realized the parents had very limited English.  I asked the couple if one of them wanted to translate during the ceremony.  They said, “No need.  This ceremony is for us.  They get what they want at the cultural ceremony.”  It wasn’t mean spirited.  It was a compromise.

The next couple the bride was 10 years older than the groom.  She was mid forties, he mid thirties.  The groom looked 10 years older than the bride.  He had graying hair and a lined face.  It was his third marriage and her first.  They were so solemn.  There were no smiles, no jokes, no reaction to anything.   Then as he started saying his vows it was as if the sun came out.  They smiled, relaxed, and just beamed.

The last couple the groom was Iranian and 61.  The bride was Chinese and 47.    He was dapper, in a light grey suit with half glasses on his nose.  She was exquisite in her bright red sheath.  The dress was knee length with an A line skirt, a square neck, and cap sleeves.  Her jewelry looked antique.  The necklace was silver filigree with a dark patina through the design.  Garnets were set though out the necklace.  Her hair was up and had two clips in it.  Both clips were silver and black metal bows.  And the groom gave her a huge diamond ring.  For the first time I saw a groom receive a circle of diamonds for his ring. 

This couple was having such a good time at their wedding.  During the vows the bride got a bad case of giggles because she could not say the R sound.  The harder she tried, the worse it became, and the more she giggled.  Before the ceremony I had barely noted her accent, but nerves did her in.

It was a quiet day, but three more couples have begun a new level in their relationship.  They had a civil marriage ceremony that was not cold and impersonal.  They were congratulated in the elevator and the hall by staff, people in the lobby called out good wishes.  We may be a government office, but our couples feel the good wishes from all.