Thursday, November 13, 2008


I had a lovely lunch with Kirsten today. She is a college professor. She also is a lovely young wife/mother, highly intelligent, and funny as hell. I am old enough to be her mother. But we are friends in the truest way.

I thought about friendship as I was cleaning windows this afternoon. Hey, I do domestic stuff sometimes. I have waited for the window washing fairy to show for months. She is so lazy she skipped our house. So I cleaned windows in two rooms ( that would be the back of the house, all big windows ) and thought deep thoughts as I worked.

Friends not acquaintances but friends, why do you click? They say if you have one true friend in your life you are lucky. Why does this young woman like me? Why do I like her? She is so highly educated, knows stuff I will never know, nor have the vocabulary to understand. I love her energy; I love to hear her passion for her field of literature; and I love hearing about her everyday life. The first time we met, we knew we needed to get to know each other. A blessing.

I have been blessed with many friends. These are not talk on the phone everyday, go to lunch every week, these are caring, be there when needed friends. I may not see them often, some live thousands of miles away, but they are friends.

One dear friend gave me such a wonderful gift years ago. It was an awful time in our life. We were downsizing, leaving the perfect dream house, before we had to. We saw the stock market tanking and knew it was downsize or die at 65. That wasn't an option. My friend Janet brought wine and sat and cried with me for an afternoon. That is a friend.

Our special group of eight friends began as a cooking group. We now are as close as family. We call ourselves THE A TEAM. We are obnoxious when we are together. We are loud, loud, and louder. We cook, eat, drink, and laugh. And wonderful Thom takes hundreds of pictures for memories. We live less than 10 minutes apart.(except for the couple who accepted a transfer and left us) But we remaining six see each other maybe once a quarter. We are all busy and email to keep in touch. The eight of us have been through death, loss of income, job changes, scary health issues, a transfer out of state, and I married the deeply in love Hank and Thom. These are friends who we love and they are open with their love for us. We are there when needed. We are there to have food with. We are there. The couple who moved away is sorely missed. And we keep in touch with phone calls and emails. And blessings of all blessings they will be here Sunday to visit us and other friends. The A TEAM can hardly wait for them.

Why do we do things for some people that we would refuse others? We used to drive from Oakland to San Francisco to feed and walk our friends' dog. They didn't trust anyone else to care for him. I would sit in the car and go why are we doing this? Are we nuts? We left our dog alone to go take care of their dog. Of course we did that, they are our friends. I loved my dog, I totally understood them not trusting others to care for Benito. But on the balance scale of friendship they win. When we did our remodel from hell, they offered their second home( 15 minutes from our home) rent free. We lived there for nearly 6 months. We could not have paid rent and our mortgage for that long. That was a gift.

Sometimes group friends are the best. I belong to a book club. We bicker, we totally disagree sometimes on whether the book is good or not, we offer reasons for the book being boring to me exciting to someone else. But it is just discussion. We are a tight group. If there is trouble, we are there for each other. I have had some health issues over the years and they were a support group. Last winter I was sent to a surgeon with a cancer scare. The group was on the phone with me planning who would be taking me to the doctor, giving me advice, who would be there to hold my hand if my husband couldn't go with me. Thankfully, I didn't need the help, it was a false alarm. But they were there.

These are some of my friends. I am so lucky. Friends, a gift from God. Friends, what makes life worth living. Friends, so many types, so many wonderful people. Thank you dear friends, mentioned and unmentioned.

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