Thursday, April 30, 2015

Chemo week and some observations

First off my chemo day went better this week.  No trip to the ER.  The only side effects were being very tired and of course the hair disappearing.  Eyelashes and eyebrows are thinner, my buzz cut is just about all gone and there is just scalp now. 

As I have said often, I am a vain woman. I have said if the house was on fire, I would dress and put on my makeup before I would let the fireman see me.   Vain has some ugly definitions.  The only one I like is concerned about one's own appearance.  I am not too over the top about my appearance, but I have high standards.  I try to look neat and well turned out when leaving the house.  I admit last November and December when I was so sick, I let some things slip. 

I wore looser clothes, slip on shoes, and no make up.  The loose clothes were because Marty was having to dress  me, I was too weak to dress myself.  No make up because that took too much effort.  Slip on shoes because I could just slide them on, no bending over to tie shoes.  But I still looked neat and clean.  I was pale and needed makeup, but that one was just too hard.  Evan though I wasn't a fashion plate, I looked better than many of the people we saw at Kaiser (caregivers not just patients) and even at the grocery store. 

Now that I am feeling so much better I look pretty good even when I go to chemo.  Cute sparkly hat, coordinated top and jeans.  Of course full make up.  I feel better looking "normal".  I have even worn my Kick Ass boots to appointments.  And I wear my leather motorcycle jacket with them.  I really feel great when I wear those boots.  Thank you Little Brother and Ann for taking me shopping for shoes.

Now I am not judging but making an observation here.  Nearly everyone getting chemo looks like they are homeless.  Their clothes are mismatched, stretched out, and sad.  This is men and women.  They look as if they have given up, they don't care anymore.  I know how awful chemo is, I nearly died from the side effects.  I want them to still care about their look.  I want them to feel good about themselves.  I want them to feel loved as I am.

I know I have the greatest caregiver in the world.  Maybe they don't have the support I do.  Maybe their spouse, friends don't think about how they look.  Marty knew I needed warm clothes, looser clothes. he knew I wanted to still look normal.  So he went out and bought sweats that looked like regular slacks and they were in pretty colors.  He bought fun/cute shirts that were warm and easy to get on.  He kept me looking pretty good through those really sick times.  He knew I might be sick enough to die, but I would go out looking good.  Thank you Marty.

And that is what I want for the other patients.  I want them to care, not to give up, to look good and that will make them feel better.  Vanity is not always a bad thing.

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