It has come to my attention that there is confusion caused by my health posts. I tell you all how sick I am, the runs to the ER, tests, being scared and on and on. And then I make jokes about it, or just write how normal an ER run is for us. Some people think I haven't been very sick the last year if I am able to joke. Others think I am too negative about my chances. They don't want to hear about death. Some think if I say how low the chance of survival is, I have given up. So let me clarify the mud.
I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP!
I handle the awful things in my life by laughing. I can't be sad all the time. So I have crying jags, and then I laugh about no need to shave my legs anymore. If I cry all the time I will have no energy for this battle. I have to recognize the bad odds and help Marty with practical things we have to handle. I have to suck it up and be a big girl. I have to keep fighting and keep laughing. I do believe a little bit in miracles. The Pet Scan was way better than we were braced for. Prayers helped that one I am sure.
Trust me, I have been very sick for over a year and will be sicker. I write about my health to help me vent. A friend told me it was important that I shared, now she knows how to pray for me. I also write hoping maybe I will help some one else who is sick. Maybe they can see some of my issues are fixable and theirs might be also. Maybe they will try prayer. Maybe I can give them comfort and they will see they are not alone. Maybe they will just get a laugh from the weird woman writing this.
Everyone handles illness differently. Most people are much more private than I am. They need to keep it all close. That is perfect for them, that is how they keep their sanity. Anything that helps the sick person and their loved ones is perfect. Crying, anger, laughing, hugs, prayers, venting, holding it close it is their choice for making it through the crap of illness.
Listen to and watch your friends. Accept their ways to handle tragedy.