Never Work With Children Or Animals

Joe again has word from the Marriage Factory.

Children at weddings are always a risk.  I've written before about how variable their behavior is. No child under the age of 7 will be interested in a wedding for more than 3 minutes.  There's nothing to capture the attention - just grown-ups talking a lot, including a strange one who might be in a robe.  The happiness of their parents/relatives/relative's friends carries no weight.

If you do want a child present at your wedding, bring something to distract him.  Infants are sometimes not aware enough to fuss more than a few minutes.  iPads and handheld video games usually do the trick for the over-5 set. The sour spot between those two generates the most tantrums, bench-climbing, and room-wandering.  The latter two are the most distracting for the adults, especially the officiant.  A child tearing down a window blind or falling on a hard wood bench and cracking his skull open is not the happy wedding-day memory most couples want to keep, so have someone in tow to wrangle the little ones.

Sometimes, even the fussiest baby gets a pass.  This week, a couple brought in their toddler, who fussed for the entire ceremony, so I just spoke louder (inadvertently learning that the wedding room has a great natural echo). The couple were good-natured and apologetic, but that's not why I couldn't be cross.  The boy was dressed to the nines in black trousers, a white shirt, and suspenders.  Baby suspenders!  Who knew such a thing existed?  I was so delighted by the way they'd dressed him - like a 1920s newspaperman at work - that I couldn't be cross.  Let that be a lesson.  Always dress for the job you want, even if you're pre-verbal.

Fashion report: beautiful green dress with a matching (but not samey) emerald necklace and earrings, a midnight blue dress with a silver neck piece - not a necklace, more Cleopatra-like in shape and sparkly copper/silver heels, another silver lace dress - that seems like it would be a dark look for midday, but some people can pull it off.

By The Numbers:

Ceremonies: 10

Formal wear: 6

Formal wear, toddler class: 1

Adorable couple over 70: 1