Hope Springs Eternal

Joe has sent us another report on marriages.  He wants you all to have the chance to read it.  Thanks Joe.


Samuel Johnson called second marriages "the triumph of hope over experience", and I think were he to join me for a week of weddings, he'd double down on that. This past week saw several return Marriage Factory customers, including one couple who'd had 5 previous swings and misses between them. If there's one thing marriage teaches, it's that everyone makes mistakes.  Sometimes the marriage is that mistake.

It would seem that being married before affects the chances of success, but luckily, my personal experience belies that. My mother stayed married to my stepfather from 1981 until she passed away. I have relatives and friends in very happy second or even third marriages. I am married to someone who has been married once before. We have been married almost 15 years, so it seems to have taken. Since America is the land of reinvention, why shouldn't that apply to weddings?

Fashion report

It was all about tiger print this week, with one bride in tiger-print heels and another in a tiger-print blouse.  The winner was my final couple, with guests dressed in flowing multicolored saris and the bride in a black gown with gold detailing and beads.

By the numbers

Ceremonies: 10

Formal wear: 8

Couple who had a large crowd at their confidential wedding: 1

--

Joe Mallon

New Blog

Joe has started his own blog about the Marriage Factory.  Below is the link for you to add to your favorites.  Right now he has posted what you have seen  here.  Next week I am sure he  will  have written a new one.

Joe Mallon's blog

News from the Marriage Factory

Today is the probably the last time we will see Joe's post as first time readers.  He is going to write his own blog.  I am so tickled he is doing that.  His writing has become so different from his first posts 2 1/2 years ago.  And I mean that in a good way.  He was very factual at first, just the facts mam.  Now he expands, adds humor, and lets us see Joe.  In the future after he posts, I will link to his blog for you all.  His readers should see it first.  

Spring Has Sprung!

Despite several people telling me different, Friday was not the first day of spring.  It was the day before the first day of spring.  That did not stop all manner of folk from deciding to ring in the new season with a new spouse.

The Marriage Factory was busier for me than it's been since Valentine's Day.  More importantly, I got to train a new clerk/marriage commissioner.  I've trained a few in the 6+ years I've been doing weddings, and it's great to watch someone learn how to guide the couple to the best possible experience.  That includes understanding how to control a crowd, knowing the ins and outs of the paperwork, and above all, spreading what joy we have on their special day.  Mostly it's about making sure the names are spelled right, trying to keep the kids quiet, and repeating the vows until the bride & groom hear them.

This week was no different in those respects: a nervous bride who rocked back and forth from "I (your name here)" through "I now pronounce you", a license that had to be reprinted twice for the same mistake, and various children tearing around the room.

When the new clerk was ready for her first wedding, I let her take the lead.  She did a great job, especially since she knew the couple.  It was a surprise to both her and them.  They are having a large ceremony later this month in which the clerk's former beau is a groomsman.  She handled what could have been a very awkward situation with far more aplomb than I might have, sending them on their way with a great souvenir picture to show their soon-to-be bridal party.

Fashion report: the day started with a bang: a beautiful black dress with beaded backing and a silver headpiece.  There were several suits and a traditional cotton wedding dress and shirt.

By The Numbers:

Ceremonies: 14

Formal wear: 9

Toddlers in pin-stripe suits with ties: sadly, only 1

--

Joe Mallon

The Wedding Room

Joe wrote the below post.  I  have added a couple of pictures to help you.  Won' t say what it will help because that would take away from his post.  

Out With The Old, In With The New

The decor of the Wedding Room is novel for a county office: wood paneling, dark wood benches and flower stands, and 2 large tapestries in earth tones with metallic appliques. The tapestries are hung at right angles, creating a natural place for couples to stand.  On special occasions and holidays, the clerks hang decorations.

A few years ago, in preparation for one of the super busy days (11/11/11 or some such), the clerks wanted to make the room more festive, so a few bought a garden arch and festooned it with shiny fabric, Christmas lights, and plastic flowers.  While a little unsteady at first, it was a thing of beauty - an inspiration to commissioners and guests alike.  Each Friday, at least one or two couples said something like "Wow!  I had no idea it would be so lovely!"

For Valentine's Day, there were usually 2 more arches, each in its own meeting room-turned-wedding room.  Those arches stayed up for a few weeks after the holiday, just in case we got really busy.

Imagine my shock when I brought my first couple up last week and the arch was gone.  While the room was interesting by itself when I started at the Marriage Factory, I'd gotten used to the arch.  Without it, the room was, well, dull, like a Christmas tree without ornaments.  There's nothing wrong with a pine tree, until it's been a Christmas tree and then isn't one.

The clerks shared my dismay, for they had not been warned about the arch's removal.  Why destroy a feature that was obviously a big plus for workers and guests alike, especially something that those same workers had invested time and craft in creating?

The answer came later that day, and was as satisfactory as possible: the existing arches were cleared out to make room for sturdier, nicer arches.  One problem with the arches we had before is that they would wobble when children pulled on them, as children bored with a wedding are wont to do.  The new ones should render that issue moot.

I took this week off, so I'm hoping the new arches are in place to dazzle me upon my return.  They have quite a bit of charm to live up to.

Fashion report: a Tibetan wedding dress like this (https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx8sZH7H71m_W_SjDqSrCSa_XuxOEDu_psVOxwsNZWwpXWkjvqJUxwr4II_KMiJX7gudJj4hP_cIO4VqgUO9OgUx4Nhia1y8EKWsgfFufOdAz7facT_1mKePprpE9lu_kZGuuvMvpDu6g/s1600/DSCF3008.jpg), a pink skirt with sparkly pink shoes, and a peach chiffon off-the-shoulder dress.

By The Numbers (2 weeks):

Ceremonies: 13 (5 & 8)

Formal wear: 10 (3 & 7)

Crowd over 25: 1

13-day-old with a knit strawberry hat (http://shelleybeatty.com/wp-content/uploads/DSCN0722.jpg): 1

--

Joe Mallon

Bring Your Friends!

More from Joe and the Marriage Factory.

Everybody Say Yeah!

As an amateur social scientist, I theorize that the size of a wedding party in no way correlates to the success of the marriage.  My wife & I were married in front of 4 people.  My cousin was married in front of almost 100 people. I'm still married.  She is not.  Kim & Kanye are still together.  Scatter-plot that all you want.  I bet nothing lines up.

Admittedly, my sample, though voluminous, is skewed.  Our wedding room holds only 40 people, and most couples don't even know we have a wedding room.  The number of times I've heard, "Oh, this is so nice!  We had no idea the room would be so cute!" as we enter testifies to that.  Still, enough know or have squadrons of friends to offer at least some anecdotal data as to the effect of a crowd on the wedding itself.

Large groups present a wrangling challenge that the couple-plus-single-witness model does not.  Getting all those folks into one elevator (or even several), herding them into the wedding room, getting all cell phones silenced, and making sure the couple stays the focus of attention - it all takes work.  The payoff is the eruption of applause when the ceremony concludes and the couple are actually married.  That release of energy is captivating.

So bring as many friends as you want!  We can pack people in, and there's plenty of seating space.  Just make sure your guests have met beforehand, as those benches can get pretty tight.

Fashion report: Today was all about coral: coral shoes and camisole vs. a coral blazer for one couple, and a coral strapless dress with brand new high heels (we lent a pair of scissors to cut off the tag).  The last bride wore a teal blouse with a peplum, and matching teal shoes.  Guess it's Southwestern palette day.

By The Numbers:

Ceremonies: 11

Formal wear: 6

Weddings with more than one official photographer: 1

​

Dia De San Valentin

Here is Joe's update on Valentine's Day at the Marriage Factory.  I so missed being there this time.  It is one of the few times you see the commissioners from other days of the weeks which is always fun.  This year was a smaller crowd.  But still a busy day.  Enjoy.

Día De San Valentín

Valentine's Day is a busy day for weddings at the Marriage Factory, as you might imagine.  It's not a madhouse, like 8/8/08 or 11/11/11, but a lot of folks put a lot of stock in calendar-based romance.  So many did this year that the Hall of Records opened on a Saturday just to marry those romantic souls, even taking appointments.

When a couple gets married at the Hall of Records, they can choose to have the ceremony in one of several non-English languages, Cantonese, Mandarin, Vietnamese, and Spanish among them. Four years of high school Spanish classes, and a little help from a couple of fluent friends, qualify me as a bilingual marriage commissioner.  I can conduct weddings en Español.  The English to Spanish ratio on an average Friday is 4:1, mas o menos.

There were 5 commissioners on hand Saturday, more than enough to handle the traffic.  Since I was the only Spanish speaker, I got all the Spanish-language weddings.  That kept me very busy. The groups ranged from 3-person walk-ins to full houses chanting "Beso! Beso!" when the ceremony was finished.

One challenge with Spanish weddings is that I know the ceremony very well, but I'm not good at free-style conversation.  I can say "Please silence your phones." or "Do you have rings?" but trouble arises with something complicated like "You have to go downstairs and ask the clerk for your legal certificate, which might take 10-15 minutes before it's ready."  Luckily, at least one person in every group spoke or understood enough English that I could communicate the next steps after the ceremony, and I struggled my way through it a couple times in Spanish, just for good measure.

We opened at 9 and got everyone done by 2, which was a credit mostly to the wonderful clerks who got folks registered, including a bunch of walk-ins, fixed typos, and made sure licenses got recorded properly.  They even got us donuts and pizza!

Fashion report: lots of beautiful dresses and suits, of course.  Why get married on Valentine's Day if you're not going to do it right?

By The Numbers:

Total ceremonies: 40

Ceremonies conducted by me: 15

Spanish ceremonies: 14

Formal wear: 12

Donuts eaten: 2

--

Joe Mallon

News from Joe on Weddings in 2014

The Marriage Factory in 2014

Weddings.  People keep having them.  Here's a couple who got married at the Rose Bowl (http://www.cnn.com/2015/01/01/us/oregon-duck-fans-wedding/index.html).  Business at the Marriage Factory continues apace.  I usually do 8-12 weddings each Friday morning.  This year, I even subbed on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve.  Christmas Eve was busy, New Year's Eve not so much.

This week, I did a pair of double weddings, where groom #1 was the witness for couple #2.  More people than you think get married on the spur of the moment, finding a witness among the similarly inclined or the kindly romantic.  Our no-appointment-needed policy is very attractive to those with a yen to take care of everything at once, mitigated only by the need to feed a meter until their turn comes.  Every once in a while, that is a gating factor, at least until a last-minute scramble sets things right.

Witnesses number from 0 to "Please, if you can't find a seat, stand quietly."  Children are quiet or excited or bored or screaming or some combination thereof.  Tears and laughter, mostly from the bride, sometimes from the groom, often from the crowd.  Every once in a while, a sigh of relief from a parent, sibling or even a child, glad her folks finally made it official.

There have been a number of lovely outfits since I last wrote.  Wednesday, a patterned blue shawl blouse with fringe, followed by a white macrame-style knit dress. Each groom matched his bride, midnight blue bowling-shirt cut for one, cream linen suit for the other.

I've seen long, flowing gowns and simple but elegant sundresses; modest heels, thigh-high lace-up boots, and pink bedazzled flip-flops; sweeping up-dos, long flowing locks, shaved heads, and even a veil or two.

I know the clerks missed having Miss Janet with them in the latter part of 2014 and look forward to her return, as do I.  Get well soon, dear.

--
Joe Mallon

Why I Wear a Bow Tie

Joe all ready to perform a marriage ceremony.  

The Supreme Court recently declined to hear protests against the overturning of several same-sex marriage bans, instantly legalizing same-sex marriage in enough places that over half the US population could be guests at a same-sex marriage in their home states.  Well, Miss Janet was into marrying those couples long before it was popular everywhere.

I started at the Marriage Factory at her behest the day same-sex marriage was legalized in California - in 2008.  My first wedding joined a pair of women.  Proposition 8 was heavy blow to me.  I took it very personally, despite being in no way personally affected.  The wait for that same court's Prop 8 & DOMA rulings last year was long.

While waiting for all that hash to get settled, Jesse Tyler Ferguson of Modern Family started a website called Tie the Knot (tietheknot.org) that offers stylish bow ties through The Tie Bar (thetiebar.com), with most of the proceeds going to marriage equality organizations.

I dress rather formally when I go to the Marriage Factory.  If I dressed the way I do to go to work, couples would be getting married by a guy in a polo shirt & jeans - hardly "most important day"-worthy.  My wife thought I'd look good sporting one of the aforementioned bow ties, and bought one for me last year, before the court's decision.  I wore it the first day I married same-sex couples, and for weeks after.  After a while, I surrendered to routine and stopped wearing the tie.  It's hard to tie one well, and not every shirt looks good with a bow tie.

Earlier this month, she bought me the George Takei tie (http://www.thetiebar.com/product/BT044). George is not only Lieutenant Sulu, he is a gay rights icon.  I think it looks more like Eddie Van Halen's guitar from the "Jump" video (http://nyoobserver.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/evh_van_halen.jpg) than anything to do with Star Trek, but I wear it with pride.  Pride in a job well done.

Joe standing by for the next couple to marry.

--
Joe Mallon
j

Joe is here to share some wedding news

Tears & Kisses

News of Janet's diagnosis hit me pretty hard.  She asked me to keep blogging about weddings, and I immediately promised to do so.  Then things got kind of boring at the Marriage Factory.  The best I can offer you is a few tales of tears and kissing.

The bride & groom have a Spanish wedding.  Both speak English but the family doesn't, including the bride's father.  The ceremony is lovely, and the couple are very happy.  Dad is also happy.  He is an older man, dressed in traditional western gear, and tears are running down his face.  His daughter explains that he is thrilled to see her married.

My next couple are women.  They also cry, very happy to finally be married, even though they are younger than me.  They were also very passionate.  I've seen many post-wedding kisses before, ranging from a dry peck on the cheek to the borderline pornographic.  These ladies - they knew how to kiss.  Quite beautiful.

I married several same-sex couples that week.  None were matchy-matchy.  Better luck to me next time.  Get better soon, Janet.

Joe Mallon

YAY! Joe took the bribe

I offered Joe a bribe to write a post for us again, and after much thought, he caved.  May he write many more for us. 

And now a word from one of our Friday Marriage Commissioners, Joe Mallon. 

I'm No Dummy

Weddings are a time for joy and laughter, but not all laughter is created equal.  Some jokes are funnier than others, even when the humor is unintended.  A recent groom was bald, save for what appeared at first glance to be an  unsightly pink rash.  One look at his wife's lips and a second glance at his head revealed the "rash" to be a perfect set of lip-prints, earned no doubt during preparations for the final part of the ceremony.

I've never been a fan of ventriloquism.  It's a skill, certainly, but not one whose practice I find amusing.  Imagine my reaction then as I returned from performing a wedding to see someone in the lobby dressed up nicely and balancing a dummy on his knee.  The dummy had a plastic head with painted-on red hair, looking like a creepy toddler.  I hoped against hope that the gentleman in question was not a groom who would want the dummy to recite his vows.

As luck would have it, he was a witness for a couple who, it seemed, found his interest quirky and charming and not distracting or attention-hogging.  I called the couple's names and the party came forward, the witness with the dummy cradled in his arm.  I was steadfast in my resolve; I would not engage it at all - not talk to it or even acknowledge its presence.  A cry for attention requires an ear.  That ear would not be mine.

The wedding went smoothly, with no contributions from any inanimate objects.

When a ceremony is complete, the witnesses must sign the license.  Janet's mentioned plenty of signature shenanigans - misspelled names, misplaced signatures, leaky pens - and I've had my share.  Never before have I had a witness turn to the babylike toy in his arms and say "Why don't you hold this for me while I sign?", and then place a tiny plastic hand on the top of the certificate to secure it while he signed.

When I dropped off the finished paperwork with the couple, the dummy was in a carrying bag.  Thus ever so, as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, I need to post about weddings. And so does Joe!

I am always complaining about bloggers who don't post regularly.  Today I realized that would also be me.  Sorry I fell down on the job.  I want to blame it all on Joe, our guest blogger.  I heard he had such a day last Friday and hoped he would write about it.  So far no luck on a post from him.  Not his responsibility to keep my blog going.  But I wish he would write more often for us.  Please Joe, write another post sometime soon

I have all kinds of notes on weddings so I can write a blog today, and maybe later this week get another one in. I write about confidential licenses often.  How only the couple has access to the license, and how it takes a court order for anyone else to see the license. 

I had a couple with a confidential license last week.  And they had no idea what it was.  They had just marked the box on the form and that is what they were sold.  Before I married them I gave them the pros and the cons of their license.  After I was sure they understood what it meant, then I did the ceremony.

The next couple also had a confidential license.   They totally understood what it meant, and it was what they needed.  They were a same sex couple from Texas, which is not a same sex friendly state.

And then there was the bride in the long turquoise dress and the groom in a suit.  All of the guests were dressed up. Little girls were  in frilly dresses.  It was a large group and when I asked the necessary question, is everyone here, I expected a yes.  Nope. Some of the guests had a fussy baby and decided to walk him outside.  They told the couple they would be back in 30 minutes.  Who does that do a couple?  I had to tell the couple if they wanted the others there for the ceremony, they couldn't go up to the Wedding Room.  I had other couples waiting.  They were unhappy, it was their turn.  They wanted to wait upstairs.  Sorry, but it is a Wedding Room, not a waiting room.

Dispatches From The Marriage Factory: Dudes and Dudes

Another post from Joe.  Thanks Joe.

Some dudes marry other dudes. Get over it.

So read the T-shirt of one witness for a same-sex male couple.  Indeed
they do, in California and a growing list of other states and
countries.  Some chicks marry other chicks, too.  And I help them get
it done.  This week's couples included a double wedding, two pairs of
women who'd been together almost 35 years and had all known each other
even longer.

When I told my mother I wanted to start doing weddings to help
same-sex couples get the same rights I had, she told me that I had
confirmed what a good mother she was (just like Miss Janet!).  After
all, if I cared so much about justice, she must have instilled that in
me.  She was right.

You can imagine how devastated she was when Proposition 8 passed in
2008.  One of the main reasons for my enrollment at the Hall was gone,
as was the image of the progressive nature of California.  She
monitored the frustratingly slow pace of the challenges to both Prop 8
and DOMA.  She called me in jubilant voice when the Supreme Court
issued its rulings overturning both, so happy about something that
didn't directly affect her.  That's my mom.

Some dudes marry other dudes.  I make sure that happens.  'Cause my
mama raised me right.

Part 3 from Joe

Why I Marry

Working at the Hall of Records lets me evangelize and proselytize something I believe in firmly - marriage.

As I've mentioned, I am married, and happily so.  Marrying my wife has been the smartest decision I've ever made, and I've made some awfully good decisions.  Marriage has proved a stabilizing influence on both our lives, and enabled us to weather some rather bad storms.  I'm sure Janet would agree that having someone with you who's promised to hang around through thick and thin, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, makes getting through the rough times a little easier.

I am a satisfied customer not just of marriage, but also of the Hall of Records.  I marry people in the very room in which I got married, a twist I hadn't expected.  The Hall staff are kind people whom I consider friends, and they do their very best to help the soon-to-be-newlyweds.  The routine provides a nice grounding and a good end to each work week.

Most couples are at least a little happy they're getting married.  Some are so overjoyed that tears and laughter spontaneously erupt - occasionally simultaneously.  When you can spend a few hours a week helping people feel that good, and you're not breaking the law to do it, why wouldn't you?

Until I am healthy enough to volunteer again, Joe has promised to send more posts.  Big hugs to friend Joe.  

Joe our great guest blogger is back!

Let The Day Begin

The alarm rings at 7:30 AM.  I do not want to get up.  The bed is comfortable and the dog is snoring ever so slightly.

I turn on the bathroom heater and start the shower. 20 minutes later, I am clean and clean-shaven, wearing gray slacks and a button-up shirt.  I head downstairs to check email, bring in the local paper, and, if it works with the shirt, grab my bow tie. The dog is usually smart enough to stay in bed.

By 8:15, I am walking to the bus stop, where I buy the Chronicle.  If my timing is right, I catch a bus quickly.  If not, I may be late.  If I'm late, someone else will do my job.

The walk from the bus is about 10 minutes.  If I'm early enough, I pick up breakfast - a toasted cheese bagel with butter and orange juice - from the deli around the corner.  If not, I'll grab it later, if things slow down.

I walk through the door, greet the clerks, buzz into the back room, and it begins: 4 hours of joining couples in wedded bliss at the Hall of Records in Oakland.  I've been marrying couples every Friday morning since June 2008 - more than 2000 pairs.  Some Fridays are boring - 3 or 4 couples, with nary an interesting tidbit.  Other Fridays are non-stop - 15 couples, and every one's got a story.

How did I get started?  Why have I kept going?

You will have to come back tomorrow to read the next part of Joe's post.  I told you I have no endings.   

Dispatches from the Marriage Factory: FIRE!!

Joe has news from the Marriage Factory.  Again, thanks to Joe for keeping us posted on weddings, and other events.

The big story at the marriage factory Friday morning wasn't weddings -it was fire.  A fight between two of the people who sleep in the Hall of Records entryway turned nasty, and someone set fire to the front of the building.  The recording department had to move into the area where I sit.  Normally, that space is almost empty, with all the clerks out front, helping customers.  This week, folks I'd never met with piles of papers were at every desk.  It felt claustrophobic.  Surprising how habituated one gets to an environment.

There was a wedding waiting as soon as I arrived.  The bride & groom wore flip-flops & shorts and chewed gum.  Luckily, the day got better from there.

I did more Spanish than English weddings, including a multi-lingual ceremony where the mother of the bride spoke no English and the groom spoke no Spanish.  Everyone was happy at the end.  Four of the eleven brides Friday morning had the same name. I don't think that's happened before.

Fashion report:

* A pair of blond twin boys in matching corduroy coats - adorable!

* Matching rhinestone shoes (looking ever so slightly like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Hirst-Love-Of-God.jpg) and fingernails

* A cute dress & leggings that looked like they'd been dyed with potato-print

* A matching white dress and feathery hair comb

The funniest part of the morning was when I asked a couple if they would be exchanging rings.  She said, "No", and he said "Yes".  She gaped at him as he sheepishly pulled two ring boxes out of his vest pockets.  Surprise!  She was thrilled.

--
Joe Mallon