Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Nice lovely weddings, oh and a X rated one

Yesterday afternoon  was busy.  I did 7 ceremonies and took up a couple for a Spanish ceremony. And I did my first X rated wedding.  I have had R rated, but yesterday, OMW!

But first the nice weddings, or at least nice in comparison. 

My first ceremony the groom wore a tux and the bride wore a brown and white dress that had an all over small design.  Very striking.  They had their own vows and it was very intense. It was a really feel good ceremony.

The next ceremony could have been the bad one of the day.  But  they were out done by the X rated one.  The bride gave the clerks grief.  She kept asking when they would be called.  Mind you their witness wasn't there yet. They wouldn't be called until the witness showed up and we have no idea when ceremonies will take place.  It is first come first served. She wanted to change into her dress when they were called.  The clerk told if they aren't ready when called, we move to the next license.  So she changed and did her makeup.  She wore a heavy taffeta dress which had a cathedral train. It would have been lovely, but it had not been pressed.  He wore jeans, sport shirt, a leather jacket, and a very bored expression. 

During the ceremony their 2 children (3 and 4 year olds) ran screaming around the room and grabbing the vases of flowers.  I had to stop the ceremony and tell the children NO.  They were so stunned they sat down and were quiet for a couple of minutes. Oh the bride was only 21, do the math.  The witness started to sign in the wrong place on the souvenir certificate.  Three times I showed him where to sign and he got it wrong.  On the legal certificate I all but held his hand so he would sign correctly.

Another wedding was just lovely and fun.  All of the men were at least 6" 4".  The groom was 6' 6" and the bride was 6' tall.  All of the men had on Hawaiian shirts and the women had a Hawaiian theme going also.  Everyone was wearing a beautiful lei. Even the children. I asked if they were all from Hawaii.  No they just wished they were.

Now for the X rated one.  I saw the bride M sitting at the clerk's desk.  M was wearing a leopard silky print micro mini.  The back had a gold chain that hung from the halter neck to below her waist. The links were the size of a teacup.  The front was draped open  from the neck to below the waist. ( think Jennifer Lopez green dress) And the two sides of the drape were 6 inches apart.  She did not have the double sided tape Jennifer Lopez wore with hers.  All the clerks were stunned with how revealing the dress was.  The tiny tight skirt of the dress just covered her hips, but it rode up when she walked.  Her shoes?  Gladiator 6" heels. 

I called their names and they said we are taking pictures, wait.  I said, I'll take the next couple since you are not ready.  They became ready.  As M walked her dress rode up above all decency, and the drapes parted on top. Nipple flashes, I wanted to get her a safety pin.  During the ceremony a breast fell out, and she did nothing.  The men loved it and took pictures.  She finally pulled the dress over her breast. And it happened again, and again.  I couldn't believe it.  A breast falls out once could be a wardrobe malfunction.  Multiple times in a 6 minute ceremony, it is a show. I won't even go into the kiss off between the wedding couple and another couple.  Gross!

Bring back the thin white dresses.  I much prefer looking at underwear than naked body parts.

No comments: