Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Come on people, don't you own a mirror?

Most of the couples who come to the county building to be married are serious.  They realize that marriage is a big step and they are serious, excited, nervous, anxious, all of the above during the ceremony.  But some couples think the ceremony is a photo session.  Brides pose all through the ceremony, hiking up skirts, turning this way and that, pulling tops down for cleavage or sometimes until boobs pop out.  Grooms pose  making gang signs, turning toward the cameras, looking at cameras and not at the bride, they put on and take off sunglasses.  And now we have the Angelina leg pose.  Heaven help me, I am too old and this just makes me tired.

Monday the dresses were too short, too tight, and one too thin.  As Marty pulled in front of the county building we saw a couple walking in.  A tiny young woman in a really short white dress. The groom was in a black suit with a black shirt and tie.  Marty and I commented on how very short the dress was, it just covered the curve of her hips.  Front side, when she walked, lady parts might flash. This girl was a size zero, beautiful face and body.  The knit dress looked like it was sprayed painted on her. Why so tight?  Why so trashy short?  She did the Angelina leg all through the wedding, posing and not even looking at her groom.

The next couple were each 18, and seemed very immature. She wore pink tighter than paint jeans. She and many of the guests wore at least 5 inch heels.  None could walk in heels, wobbling, and clomping around like horses.  During the ceremony, both groom and bride kept posing, and then the bride's leg popped to the side and she pulled her draped top down to show cleavage!  I had trouble getting this group out of the room.  I gave the 2 minute and the 1 minute warnings.  Nothing.  I told them I was going for the next couple, they had to leave.  I went down the hall for some water and then headed to the elevator.  I could hear them still in the wedding room.  I went back in and they were still taking pictures.  Some of the women were posing under the wedding arch with our silk flower bouquet.  I used my school teaching voice and got them to leave.  As I stood there a woman walked out with OUR bouquet.  I told her she couldn't take it.  She just looked at me.  So I took it our of her hands. 

The next bride with no mirror at home wore the tightest outfit. She wore a strapless dress with a beige bra with straps. The front of the dress looked as if she had on a Wonder Woman breastplate.  The seams were straining, the zipper in danger.  The dress pulled across the hips and rode up.  And I could see pink skin and white bikini panties through the dress.  But this couple was very serious about marriage.  She was crying and he held her during their vows.  I forgave her the dress.

My last couple had a confidential license (a license that requires no witness, the license is basically sealed and no one but the couple can see it, it takes a court order for anyone else to see the license).  They had met on the Internet through a common interest in photography. One thing led to another and they were in love. They told me they had tried 4 times to marry.  Since her divorce was only 5 weeks old they had to show the final papers.  One time they forgot the papers.  Other times other paper work was wrong.  But they are now married, and were deeply moved by the ceremony.  That ended the day on a good note.

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