There were several weddings today. I am just going to tell you about one. Later this week I will share the others. But the goat herders were really different. Yes, goat herders.
Clerk K brought me the license and said, "They smell like they have been around a campfire. Or wearing old clothes." She told me they were dressed in a retro style. The bride had dreadlocks, yet was Caucasian. I don't understand white people who have dreadlocks. It is just dirty hair twisted into knots. Or as my grandmother would have said, "their dirty hair is full of rats' nests."
The couple was dressed in a mixture of clothes of the 60s and just weird. She had on a dirty beige dress that had a matching apron, torn opaque stockings, and ankle boots that were almost muddy. The groom wore a grayish suit, shirt, and tie. His neck matched the shirt. He wore a fedora. His shoes were muddy. The smell was like a petting zoo.
The witnesses were dressed matching the bride and groom. One witness had missing teeth, they at least did not smell.
I was thankful my allergies were acting up. I could smell the bridal couple, but I wasn't totally nauseated as the clerks were. The couple told me they were goat herders. They raise goats for the milk and for the goats to eat under brush in order to prevent forest fires. The couple lives way far up in the mountains toward Oregon. These were really sweet people, but weird on so many levels.
I asked the bride if they had their own vows or if they wanted traditional vows. She said the witnesses would provide the vows. The witnesses both said, "What, us . . . . . . OK, we will think of something."' And the ceremony began. We came to the vows, and first witness said, " Both of you say that you won't make the other clean up the goats' poop." Oh this is going well. Then the other witness said something about as dumb. They added a couple more stupid vows and the bride looked at me and said, "You give us one from your book". So I went for the the hard hitting one. I said repeat after me, "I love you and will foresake all others." The bride said, "Oh, I can't do that." Then the groom said, "I can't either." WHAT THE HELL????? They decided they could say, "I love you, as I am able."
I can't even thing of anything to add to that.